That's complicated. I don't know, I don't know the person, so it's hard for me to tell, but I've just learned from unfortunate experience that some people truly aren't capable of understanding and therefore trying to explain will just hurt you and annoy them. I always feel like I have to make it clear for them, because the mere existence of people that don't get it gets on my nerves, but at the same time, trying to make them get it is like banging your head against the wall. So it's a lose-lose, because if you don't talk to them, it's gnawing on you with a need of closure on the subject, and if you do try to explain, they'll most likely just insult you and make you feel even worse. Even more so, considering the situation, she'll probably just throw it at you that you're annoying her with your 'stupid problems' when there are all these bad things going on. I guess trying to talk to her about it right now just won't have the right effect because with everything that's happening, she probably wouldn't be able to give you the attention or effort even if she tried.
I guess I never looked at it in that repsect and what you say makes alot of sense. I think I will wait...I possibly just might not tell her at all. I just am gonna try and work of the courage to ask for a therapist and leave it at that because god knows I need it. I have been having these horrible outbursts of anger where I just get so mad and frusterated that I end up bursting into tears. And the last time that happened it was over a scarf. A FUCKING SCARF. I don't even really know why, but I freaked out for some reason over it. Just thinking about it now makes me mad. Like in retrospect it was stupid to flake out over it but to me when I consider the circumstances the freakout was justified. Apparently not to everyone else that was there when it happened.
I think the reason is not important, your feelings are important. Most of the time if you flip out over something seemingly insignificant, it means you were already under so much stress that that little last straw drew you over the edge. But either way, if it pissed you off so much, then it shouldn't be disregarded as unimportant. But unfortunately, most people aren't capable of being compassionate when someone flips out over a scarf. I just had a "conversation" about that with my mom last night. She said no one feels another person's pain. I think she just uses it as a lame generic excuse for her personally not wanting to try and understand other people's pain. But either way, what you feel is usually such a complicated mix of things that it's hard for other people to relate, and without considering that complicated mix they just see a girl flipping out over a scarf. And that never looks good. I really don't know whether a therapist would help, but it's worth a shot, I guess. It didn't help me, but it does help some people so you never know.
I don't know if it will help either, but maybe saying that to her will get to her maybe pay attention a little more. Like, oh mayyybbbeee, just maybe, my kid does need help.
I can see where she is coming from, but I do think that it is possible to try and relate yourself. I mean, yeah, there are just some situations where you CAN'T relate to that person no matter what, but that shouldn't stop you from listening. I think alot of people just don't know the balance between relating yourself and trying to put yourself in that situation and turning the focus away from the person to you, even if it's an accident.
I don't know her, so I can't tell. I know if I said that to my mom, she'd make a point to go back to her business to show that she doesn't care. She always does that when I bring up something that's important to me or try to explain when there's a problem. To her, all my problems are insignificant by default. I hope yours isn't like that. To most remotely caring parents when their kid says "I think I need a therapist", it's a sign that something needs to be done.
I think trying to relate to another person's problem is hard work. And most people just don't wanna bother. There's this good old "I have my own problems, I don't need yours". People don't want the burden of someone else's pain or the guilt of not wanting to help. But in reality the first good step is just acknowledging that someone might have problems you'll never understand, and realizing it doesn't make them fake or stupid or unimportant. You really don't have to be able to relate just as long as you realize there is a problem, regardless of whether it makes sense to you. But I guess that takes an open mind that not everyone has.
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I really don't know whether a therapist would help, but it's worth a shot, I guess. It didn't help me, but it does help some people so you never know.
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I can see where she is coming from, but I do think that it is possible to try and relate yourself. I mean, yeah, there are just some situations where you CAN'T relate to that person no matter what, but that shouldn't stop you from listening. I think alot of people just don't know the balance between relating yourself and trying to put yourself in that situation and turning the focus away from the person to you, even if it's an accident.
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I think trying to relate to another person's problem is hard work. And most people just don't wanna bother. There's this good old "I have my own problems, I don't need yours". People don't want the burden of someone else's pain or the guilt of not wanting to help. But in reality the first good step is just acknowledging that someone might have problems you'll never understand, and realizing it doesn't make them fake or stupid or unimportant. You really don't have to be able to relate just as long as you realize there is a problem, regardless of whether it makes sense to you. But I guess that takes an open mind that not everyone has.
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