Current Preoccupations
Overall, I think this vacation has been good for me. I've needed some rest and I've needed some time to be at home. Frankly, I haven't missed my family so much since I left to go to Berkeley for the first time a year and a half ago. And I didn't realize that I missed them until Mom opened the door when I came home and I ran into her arms. It's been good to be back.
Perhaps the only problem with being back home is that I've got more time to myself than I'm used to -- and when I have time like that, I spend it thinking. And thinking, especially hard thinking, especially about my future, is usually not the greatest idea. But it helps to write about the things that are clattering around my brain, so here they are.
1. Attending graduate school
a. feels like the right thing to do
b. will add six more years of school
i. and I don’t know where I want to spend those six years
ii. that I will have to pay for if my chosen school can’t pay for me
c. will give me a education I feel like I have to do something with
i. and I don’t need a Ph.D. to write or teach high school
1. so why am I going to pay for six years of grad school?
2. Teaching
a. as a college professor
i. is one of the only interesting things you can do with a Ph.D. in English
ii. would not be that interesting after a long enough while
iii. pays better than high school
b. in a high school
i. does not require a Ph.D.
ii. entails hellish amounts of work for abysmal pay
iii. seems likely to be strangely rewarding
3. Nonprofits
a. are very fun and do fantastic things for the world
b. will make me absolutely no money
4. Writing
a. is what I’ve always wanted to do
b. will make me absolutely no money
i. unless I sell out and become
1. a “literary” writer
2. the next Stephenie Meyer
ii. unless I’m the one person in a million who’s any good at it
1. and I can’t believe I’m that person
5. Love
a. hurts
i. a lot
ii. and yet I still want it
b. can be an inconvenience
i. especially if I have a career plan to follow
ii. until I figure out how to be independent and dependent simultaneously
c. had better not let me down
i. again
ii. because the next time, I’ll take it personal
Perhaps the only problem with being back home is that I've got more time to myself than I'm used to -- and when I have time like that, I spend it thinking. And thinking, especially hard thinking, especially about my future, is usually not the greatest idea. But it helps to write about the things that are clattering around my brain, so here they are.
1. Attending graduate school
a. feels like the right thing to do
b. will add six more years of school
i. and I don’t know where I want to spend those six years
ii. that I will have to pay for if my chosen school can’t pay for me
c. will give me a education I feel like I have to do something with
i. and I don’t need a Ph.D. to write or teach high school
1. so why am I going to pay for six years of grad school?
2. Teaching
a. as a college professor
i. is one of the only interesting things you can do with a Ph.D. in English
ii. would not be that interesting after a long enough while
iii. pays better than high school
b. in a high school
i. does not require a Ph.D.
ii. entails hellish amounts of work for abysmal pay
iii. seems likely to be strangely rewarding
3. Nonprofits
a. are very fun and do fantastic things for the world
b. will make me absolutely no money
4. Writing
a. is what I’ve always wanted to do
b. will make me absolutely no money
i. unless I sell out and become
1. a “literary” writer
2. the next Stephenie Meyer
ii. unless I’m the one person in a million who’s any good at it
1. and I can’t believe I’m that person
5. Love
a. hurts
i. a lot
ii. and yet I still want it
b. can be an inconvenience
i. especially if I have a career plan to follow
ii. until I figure out how to be independent and dependent simultaneously
c. had better not let me down
i. again
ii. because the next time, I’ll take it personal