Ups and Downs...Need Thicker Skin?
So last week I was all YAY about this PhD, this week feels rather different. Okay, part of this is due to lack of sleep because Zara got stuck in a fence and required rescue and etc...don't ask. She's fine, general cat escapades. Anyway, yesterday was my turn to submit a chapter to PhD club and have other people critique it, and it was pretty harsh. I mean, really really useful, and people pointed out stuff that needed to be said and weaknesses I must fix but I was kind of at the point where I thought I was done with that and could get into the really exciting and fun work of actually doing the research and now...I'm not. Feels a bit like going backwards. Plus, I had my first person refuse permission to quote their fic in a way that was...well, not happy. Now I absolutely believe everyone should have control over what happens to their fic in a relatively closed community like fandom which is why I always ask permission and offer to show if/what I want to quote and what I want to say. That's only ethical. And most fans have been enthusiastic, and some have been like, 'no don't quote mine please', and that's absolutely cool and I'm like 'okay no probs' and that's that. But today I got someone who...kind of seemed upset that I'd asked, and now I feel...I don't know. Bad? I know it's all part of the research process and probably in the future of this project and any other kind of research I do on ANYTHING, some people are gonna refuse participation/quotation in much much more emphatic and even angry ways. Cos that's what happens. I need thicker skin. *Smacks self*.
Anyway today I have to teach 3hrs in a row on gender and journalism. I feel like....a not-real teacher. Like someone who is faking it. But hey. That's what one does, I suppose. Self-reminders:
- I am pretty damn lucky to get to do a PhD at all, let alone have grants and teaching to support myself in the process
- I am still alive. Yay!
- Have enough money for food, rent and bills.
- Zara is fine. She is eating kibble in front of me as I write this.
- New Supernatural this w/end!! :D
I am going to go get the lessons ready, work on my methodology (le sigh) and tell my ego to shut up.
Also the song 'Fall of Man' is stuck in my head and it's an awesome song but now it's making me sad. The end.
Anyway today I have to teach 3hrs in a row on gender and journalism. I feel like....a not-real teacher. Like someone who is faking it. But hey. That's what one does, I suppose. Self-reminders:
- I am pretty damn lucky to get to do a PhD at all, let alone have grants and teaching to support myself in the process
- I am still alive. Yay!
- Have enough money for food, rent and bills.
- Zara is fine. She is eating kibble in front of me as I write this.
- New Supernatural this w/end!! :D
I am going to go get the lessons ready, work on my methodology (le sigh) and tell my ego to shut up.
Also the song 'Fall of Man' is stuck in my head and it's an awesome song but now it's making me sad. The end.