Oh, my life...
It's been a rough week! My cervical biopsy on Tuesday was nasty, painful, surreal.
The actual procedure is call a "colposcopy." The doctor looks into my womanly insides and looks out for abnormal cell growth that may cause trouble. The name, though, "col-pos-sco-py" is deceitful. It sounds like some music instrument I would have played in kindergarten. Oh, how they tricked me!
Right off the bat, I knew things were going to be bad, when it was a struggle to get the darn urine sample! I didn't know it at the time (I guess, the gloomy possibility of "cervical cancer" was stressing me out) and I hadn't drank more than 8 glasses of water in three days. So as I sat there in the nice, clean, sterile hospital bathroom, nothing came out. Nothing. For a brief moment, it was like taking my Master's exam all over again. Talk about performance anxiety! Except, in this case, NOTHING was in there! How was I suppose to know I needed a urine sample?! I could have prep for it.
Frustrated and embarrassed, I placed my clean cup in my bag and tried to bargain with my nurse. I assured her I was not pregnant and if I was they had my permission to take care of my poor little cervix. It was okay, there was no baby in there. My nurse smiled - she was really sweet - but gave me my cup of water, nonetheless, to drink and to hurry.
I hurried.
But, if I could have known that my little vagina and company were to be sprayed with vinegar, I would NEVER have peed into that cup. Heck no! My doctor informed me that vinegar helps locate the irregularities and, hence, they know where to cut. Yeah, because it's like pouring salt on slugs, if you ask me. The one thing I know about grad school and med school (god bless, Grey's Anatomy) is that the true mothers of invention are desperation and intoxication. Seriously. Some stupid medical student, desperate for something to distinguish himself from the others was drunk/high and stuck. My little heart and faith in modern science can only imagine it being a tired, driven, and desperate grad student - having a late-night break of a beer and a little something-something - as being the only logical explanation for EVER thinking about spraying VINEGAR into a woman's vagina. VINEGAR! It was horrible.
But, I am glad I went. My doctor informed me that had I waited a year or more it could have been something far more worse than what it was. Thank you, doctor.
The actual procedure is call a "colposcopy." The doctor looks into my womanly insides and looks out for abnormal cell growth that may cause trouble. The name, though, "col-pos-sco-py" is deceitful. It sounds like some music instrument I would have played in kindergarten. Oh, how they tricked me!
Right off the bat, I knew things were going to be bad, when it was a struggle to get the darn urine sample! I didn't know it at the time (I guess, the gloomy possibility of "cervical cancer" was stressing me out) and I hadn't drank more than 8 glasses of water in three days. So as I sat there in the nice, clean, sterile hospital bathroom, nothing came out. Nothing. For a brief moment, it was like taking my Master's exam all over again. Talk about performance anxiety! Except, in this case, NOTHING was in there! How was I suppose to know I needed a urine sample?! I could have prep for it.
Frustrated and embarrassed, I placed my clean cup in my bag and tried to bargain with my nurse. I assured her I was not pregnant and if I was they had my permission to take care of my poor little cervix. It was okay, there was no baby in there. My nurse smiled - she was really sweet - but gave me my cup of water, nonetheless, to drink and to hurry.
I hurried.
But, if I could have known that my little vagina and company were to be sprayed with vinegar, I would NEVER have peed into that cup. Heck no! My doctor informed me that vinegar helps locate the irregularities and, hence, they know where to cut. Yeah, because it's like pouring salt on slugs, if you ask me. The one thing I know about grad school and med school (god bless, Grey's Anatomy) is that the true mothers of invention are desperation and intoxication. Seriously. Some stupid medical student, desperate for something to distinguish himself from the others was drunk/high and stuck. My little heart and faith in modern science can only imagine it being a tired, driven, and desperate grad student - having a late-night break of a beer and a little something-something - as being the only logical explanation for EVER thinking about spraying VINEGAR into a woman's vagina. VINEGAR! It was horrible.
But, I am glad I went. My doctor informed me that had I waited a year or more it could have been something far more worse than what it was. Thank you, doctor.