and you're my obsession
title: and you're my obsession
summary: when he doesn't have kurt to hold onto, blaine turns to something else.
rating: T
pairing: klaine
warnings: eating disorder triggers like woah
notes: this was written for a prompt over at the glee_angst_meme -- title from ana's song
When Blaine turns back to stare at Kurt after the song he looks so happy and full of love for everyone around him it leaves Blaine blinking. Blaine feels bloated but empty, like Kurt took all that love with him and left Blaine running on nothing. Blaine knows it's stupid -- he's stupid. Kurt will never say goodbye to him, Kurt loves him, and Kurt will do his best to see Blaine when he can.
(Kurt misses their first date after that due to unforeseen poor road conditions and Blaine barely eats his dinner, picking and choosing what stayed and feeling some sense of control.)
When Blaine turns around to talk to Kurt only to realize he's not there any more, he has to leave the room and get a drink of water. He's been drinking a lot of water, nothing but water, because it's happened more than once. It's okay though. Blaine feels halfway normal when the water is filling him up, like he didn't become a broken mess when his boyfriend left. It turns into more of a habit than a necessity, like texting Kurt or driving to Lima.
(Blaine drives to Lima more these days, so he can tell his parents he's eating dinner at Kurt's and tell Kurt he ate early at home to justify that he only gets a glass of water and nibbles on half a breadstick or biscotti.)
When Wes asks Blaine to plan out the Warblers' non-Dalton performances, Blaine grabs onto it despite his workload as something to distract him. Missing Kurt this much isn't at all healthy, and Blaine knows that. He dials theme parks and malls while twirling his reusable water bottle around, trying to slow his breaths down in tune to the sloshes inside so he can sound collected on the phone. After a while all the rejections sound personal but Blaine knows they're not so he keeps on doing it, skipping lunch so he won't be distracted.
(Thad gives him a stiff pat on the back as Blaine sips his water and reads a text from Kurt, saying that Blaine's dedication to the Warblers is inspiring and offers to bring Blaine lunch; Blaine declines out of politeness, not wanting to impose.)
When Blaine gets his exam schedule and sees that his math and science are on the same day and his worst subject is his first exam, he locks himself away in his room to study. He feels like his whole life is coming down down to whether he passes or fails. Blaine knows it doesn't, knows it won't, but worrying about something other than if Kurt really loves him or not is comforting. He lives off the occasional low-fat muffin and more water than a fish could drink, only exiting his room to use the washroom or remind his parents he's still alive. He notices that Kurt stops texting, and even though he knows it's because Kurt is giving him room to study it hurts.
(Blaine texts Kurt, jokingly, about how he hasn't eaten a solid meal in "forever" because of everything and Kurt replies with a winking face and an "ikr" so Blaine skips his muffin the next morning, comfortable in the knowledge that Kurt gets it.)
When Blaine sees Kurt next he's with his friends and Blaine can't bring himself to ask for some privacy so he can maybe take off the baggy Dalton sweatshirt he's been living in when he's not in his too-big blazer. They all have coffee, sandwiches and biscotti while Blaine sips his water, explaining that he's trying to cut down on his caffeine intake. Santana isn't shy and points out that Blaine looks like he needs his coffee, and there's a tense moment where Blaine strokes his sharp collarbone awkwardly and Kurt stares at him hard. Then Blaine starts complaining about finals and Warbler practices and steals a bite from Kurt's biscotti and things move along normally.
(Blaine stands naked in front of the mirror that night, straightening his back so his stomach is concave and tilting his head back and forth so he can watch the deep shadows in his cheeks. There's a strange fuzz growing along with his normal body hair and he can feel his heart fluttering double time. He wonders if Kurt would find this attractive, and feels so ugly he pulls his sweatshirt back on and curls up under his blankets. His parents don't bother calling him down to dinner and he falls asleep early, wishing he would never wake up.)
end
summary: when he doesn't have kurt to hold onto, blaine turns to something else.
rating: T
pairing: klaine
warnings: eating disorder triggers like woah
notes: this was written for a prompt over at the glee_angst_meme -- title from ana's song
When Blaine turns back to stare at Kurt after the song he looks so happy and full of love for everyone around him it leaves Blaine blinking. Blaine feels bloated but empty, like Kurt took all that love with him and left Blaine running on nothing. Blaine knows it's stupid -- he's stupid. Kurt will never say goodbye to him, Kurt loves him, and Kurt will do his best to see Blaine when he can.
(Kurt misses their first date after that due to unforeseen poor road conditions and Blaine barely eats his dinner, picking and choosing what stayed and feeling some sense of control.)
When Blaine turns around to talk to Kurt only to realize he's not there any more, he has to leave the room and get a drink of water. He's been drinking a lot of water, nothing but water, because it's happened more than once. It's okay though. Blaine feels halfway normal when the water is filling him up, like he didn't become a broken mess when his boyfriend left. It turns into more of a habit than a necessity, like texting Kurt or driving to Lima.
(Blaine drives to Lima more these days, so he can tell his parents he's eating dinner at Kurt's and tell Kurt he ate early at home to justify that he only gets a glass of water and nibbles on half a breadstick or biscotti.)
When Wes asks Blaine to plan out the Warblers' non-Dalton performances, Blaine grabs onto it despite his workload as something to distract him. Missing Kurt this much isn't at all healthy, and Blaine knows that. He dials theme parks and malls while twirling his reusable water bottle around, trying to slow his breaths down in tune to the sloshes inside so he can sound collected on the phone. After a while all the rejections sound personal but Blaine knows they're not so he keeps on doing it, skipping lunch so he won't be distracted.
(Thad gives him a stiff pat on the back as Blaine sips his water and reads a text from Kurt, saying that Blaine's dedication to the Warblers is inspiring and offers to bring Blaine lunch; Blaine declines out of politeness, not wanting to impose.)
When Blaine gets his exam schedule and sees that his math and science are on the same day and his worst subject is his first exam, he locks himself away in his room to study. He feels like his whole life is coming down down to whether he passes or fails. Blaine knows it doesn't, knows it won't, but worrying about something other than if Kurt really loves him or not is comforting. He lives off the occasional low-fat muffin and more water than a fish could drink, only exiting his room to use the washroom or remind his parents he's still alive. He notices that Kurt stops texting, and even though he knows it's because Kurt is giving him room to study it hurts.
(Blaine texts Kurt, jokingly, about how he hasn't eaten a solid meal in "forever" because of everything and Kurt replies with a winking face and an "ikr" so Blaine skips his muffin the next morning, comfortable in the knowledge that Kurt gets it.)
When Blaine sees Kurt next he's with his friends and Blaine can't bring himself to ask for some privacy so he can maybe take off the baggy Dalton sweatshirt he's been living in when he's not in his too-big blazer. They all have coffee, sandwiches and biscotti while Blaine sips his water, explaining that he's trying to cut down on his caffeine intake. Santana isn't shy and points out that Blaine looks like he needs his coffee, and there's a tense moment where Blaine strokes his sharp collarbone awkwardly and Kurt stares at him hard. Then Blaine starts complaining about finals and Warbler practices and steals a bite from Kurt's biscotti and things move along normally.
(Blaine stands naked in front of the mirror that night, straightening his back so his stomach is concave and tilting his head back and forth so he can watch the deep shadows in his cheeks. There's a strange fuzz growing along with his normal body hair and he can feel his heart fluttering double time. He wonders if Kurt would find this attractive, and feels so ugly he pulls his sweatshirt back on and curls up under his blankets. His parents don't bother calling him down to dinner and he falls asleep early, wishing he would never wake up.)
end