I am tired of the insufficiency of our understanding...
Originally posted by intrepia, here.
I am tired of a society that believes that sanctity depends on exclusion. I am tired of the discrimination, the intolerance, the disdain.
When I marry - if I marry - I want a marriage that's sacred not because other people are not allowed to marry, but because of the content and character of my own relationship, my own love.
I am a heterosexual female who has been blessed enough never to have struggled with my sexual orientation or gender identity, and I am tired of straight people who don't recognize or understand how lucky they are to be able to express and experience love freely, without fear of recrimination.
I am tired of people who think that civil unions are fine for gay couples, but who want marriage for themselves. I am a writer, and I don't believe that a word like "marriage" is so sacred that you want to grant the same legal rights under two different names, depending on who is to receive them. Because, look, it's not called something different if you have green eyes instead of brown; it's not called something different if you're 50 years old rather than 25; it's not called something different because of your height, your ethnicity, your shoe size, or your favorite ice cream flavor, so why should it be called something different because of your gender and the gender of the person you love?
I am tired of people who have never been truly discriminated against discriminating against others, and I am even more tired of people who have experienced discrimination because of their race or their gender or their age or their disabilities or any other unshakeable characteristic about themselves, and they still think it's okay to deprive other human beings of the same fairness and freedoms they want for themselves.
I am tired of straight people who have gay friends but who still somehow manage to reconcile this with the belief that their friends should not be recognized as equals to themselves under the law. Because what kind of friend are you if you can hang out, share meals, go shopping, play games, take walks, have long conversations, and yet you don't think that your friends' love should be recognized in the same way that yours is?
I am tired of the argument that banning same-sex marriage is necessary to "protect marriage" and "restore the meaning of marriage." Let me tell you, if you need to prevent loving, committed couples from marrying in order to restore the meaning of your own marriage, your marriage is in deep doo-doo. And if you think the way to protect marriage is only to let people who need to prevent loving, committed couples from marrying in order to restore the meaning of their own marriage marry, well, then, I don't even know what to say to you.
I am tired of people talking about the "gay lifestyle," as though it were a choice and the same for everyone. There is a "gay lifestyle" about as much as there is a "lifestyle of people with type O+ blood."
I am tired of the argument that gay marriage must be banned in order to "protect our children." What are you trying to protect your children from? A non-homogenized world? I think you are exploiting your children as a front to protect your own narrow-minded intolerance.
I am disgusted by the argument that Proposition 8 was "not an attack on gays." Yeah, it's not an attack the way it wouldn't be an attack if someone came and tried to take away YOUR civil rights and the strongest legal recognition of YOUR relationship and YOUR love. It's not an attack if denigrating an entire group of people to being second-class citizens and second-class human beings isn't an attack.
In my mind, someone's sexual orientation is my business in these circumstances and these circumstances alone:
1. They want me to know their sexual orientation.
2. They are of my preferred gender, and I want to know whether there is any chance for me to have a romantic relationship with them.
That's all. Someone's sexual orientation is not my business if they are my teacher, or my children's teacher, my classmate, my co-worker, my boss, my neighbor, or my grocery store cashier. But at the same time, no one should feel like they have to hide their sexual orientation from me because of fear of rejection.
I am tired of people who justify their intolerance by their upbringing, because even if you can't control or change the way you were raised, you have the ability - and the responsibility as someone with a brain and not just grey pudding between your ears - to make your own evaluations and conclusions about life.
I've heard that people's objections to same-sex marriage are based on their moral values, but I genuinely do not understand a morality of exclusion. How is it any more morally acceptable to say that only heterosexual couples can marry than it is to say that only brown-eyed children can attend school or only people with a certain blood type can find a job?
I am tired of this. I am sickened, I am appalled, and I am angry.
I am sickened that so many people in my country treat my friends like second-class citizens, and I am so sad that these friends sometimes feel like they are second-class human beings. I am angry because I have seen them go through the struggle to be who they are in a society where who they are is unacceptable - the pain, isolation, and self-recrimination of being afraid to confess a vital part of themselves that isn't your business but should never have to be hidden.
The friends I am talking about are warm, generous, loving people. They are not deficient in any way, and they never asked for or chose their sexual orientation. They dream of becoming artists, teachers, scientists, political leaders; they dream of finding a lasting and reciprocated love. The world is at their fingertips. But in 48 states in what is supposed to be the greatest country on earth, they are not allowed to marry - and I will never have enough words to express how heartbreakingly wrong this is.
I am tired of a society that believes that sanctity depends on exclusion. I am tired of the discrimination, the intolerance, the disdain.
When I marry - if I marry - I want a marriage that's sacred not because other people are not allowed to marry, but because of the content and character of my own relationship, my own love.
I am a heterosexual female who has been blessed enough never to have struggled with my sexual orientation or gender identity, and I am tired of straight people who don't recognize or understand how lucky they are to be able to express and experience love freely, without fear of recrimination.
I am tired of people who think that civil unions are fine for gay couples, but who want marriage for themselves. I am a writer, and I don't believe that a word like "marriage" is so sacred that you want to grant the same legal rights under two different names, depending on who is to receive them. Because, look, it's not called something different if you have green eyes instead of brown; it's not called something different if you're 50 years old rather than 25; it's not called something different because of your height, your ethnicity, your shoe size, or your favorite ice cream flavor, so why should it be called something different because of your gender and the gender of the person you love?
I am tired of people who have never been truly discriminated against discriminating against others, and I am even more tired of people who have experienced discrimination because of their race or their gender or their age or their disabilities or any other unshakeable characteristic about themselves, and they still think it's okay to deprive other human beings of the same fairness and freedoms they want for themselves.
I am tired of straight people who have gay friends but who still somehow manage to reconcile this with the belief that their friends should not be recognized as equals to themselves under the law. Because what kind of friend are you if you can hang out, share meals, go shopping, play games, take walks, have long conversations, and yet you don't think that your friends' love should be recognized in the same way that yours is?
I am tired of the argument that banning same-sex marriage is necessary to "protect marriage" and "restore the meaning of marriage." Let me tell you, if you need to prevent loving, committed couples from marrying in order to restore the meaning of your own marriage, your marriage is in deep doo-doo. And if you think the way to protect marriage is only to let people who need to prevent loving, committed couples from marrying in order to restore the meaning of their own marriage marry, well, then, I don't even know what to say to you.
I am tired of people talking about the "gay lifestyle," as though it were a choice and the same for everyone. There is a "gay lifestyle" about as much as there is a "lifestyle of people with type O+ blood."
I am tired of the argument that gay marriage must be banned in order to "protect our children." What are you trying to protect your children from? A non-homogenized world? I think you are exploiting your children as a front to protect your own narrow-minded intolerance.
I am disgusted by the argument that Proposition 8 was "not an attack on gays." Yeah, it's not an attack the way it wouldn't be an attack if someone came and tried to take away YOUR civil rights and the strongest legal recognition of YOUR relationship and YOUR love. It's not an attack if denigrating an entire group of people to being second-class citizens and second-class human beings isn't an attack.
In my mind, someone's sexual orientation is my business in these circumstances and these circumstances alone:
1. They want me to know their sexual orientation.
2. They are of my preferred gender, and I want to know whether there is any chance for me to have a romantic relationship with them.
That's all. Someone's sexual orientation is not my business if they are my teacher, or my children's teacher, my classmate, my co-worker, my boss, my neighbor, or my grocery store cashier. But at the same time, no one should feel like they have to hide their sexual orientation from me because of fear of rejection.
I am tired of people who justify their intolerance by their upbringing, because even if you can't control or change the way you were raised, you have the ability - and the responsibility as someone with a brain and not just grey pudding between your ears - to make your own evaluations and conclusions about life.
I've heard that people's objections to same-sex marriage are based on their moral values, but I genuinely do not understand a morality of exclusion. How is it any more morally acceptable to say that only heterosexual couples can marry than it is to say that only brown-eyed children can attend school or only people with a certain blood type can find a job?
I am tired of this. I am sickened, I am appalled, and I am angry.
I am sickened that so many people in my country treat my friends like second-class citizens, and I am so sad that these friends sometimes feel like they are second-class human beings. I am angry because I have seen them go through the struggle to be who they are in a society where who they are is unacceptable - the pain, isolation, and self-recrimination of being afraid to confess a vital part of themselves that isn't your business but should never have to be hidden.
The friends I am talking about are warm, generous, loving people. They are not deficient in any way, and they never asked for or chose their sexual orientation. They dream of becoming artists, teachers, scientists, political leaders; they dream of finding a lasting and reciprocated love. The world is at their fingertips. But in 48 states in what is supposed to be the greatest country on earth, they are not allowed to marry - and I will never have enough words to express how heartbreakingly wrong this is.