strange what desire can make foolish people do..
I'm the most horrible person.
I have a massive craving for physical attention that cannot be curbed.
I have no problem being single when I am able to flirt and makeout with whoever I want.
But when I'm in a relationship, I need some kind of intimacy. It doesn't have to involve that much emotion. I just need that person to by my outlet for physicalness.
The only thing that fucked it up was the Jimmy thing confusing me.
After that, I just wanted to feel that someone thought me worthy enough to be with as a girlfriend.
And what do you know! I found it. But though this guy is sweet and will most likely be extremely good to me, there is no spark. Though I'm comfortable talking to him, we don't have a terrible lot in common. Nothing about him really that makes me weak in the knees.
To use a Grey's analogy- He is a George. Except a virgin George.
Though he's not completely clueless, he still doesn't know how to turn me on. And it's slightly frustrating.
To make matters worse, there is a guy- the great salsa dancer- who has been flirting with me, in full knowledge that I now have a boyfriend. And what's worse is he's good. I know he's good. He knows he's good. He kissed me even before my boyfriend kissed me. He does not even lie about what he is- he fools around with girls as a pastime. He is the bad boy. And god, I wish I weren't attracted to him.
He knows my boyfriend will be out of town this weekend, and he wants to see me. Oh bad sign. Bad bad very bad. This is another good reason to go to Heights this weekend. Though that might backfire, seeing as how I'll be spending time with young GI's and hopefully getting very very drunk. The drinking will at least help with this whole thinking too much thing.
Not to be outdone, my best male friend/first boyfriend, Mark has decided to kick up my notch of mental confusion. We spend a great deal of time together simply because we know each other so well and have most things in common in manners of what we like to do in our spare time and music, etc. It has been years since I felt any sort of physical attraction towards him. Thus the reason why I let him pass out in my bed last night, knowing it meant nothing in particular and nothing would happen.
Of course, I never do the smartest things when it comes to guys, but this was something that probably shouldn't have been done- mainly because I got an email from him today, saying he's fine with a platonic relationship with me but still managed to say that I'm the *only* person he knows he can spend the rest of his life with.
Why can't I just be a lesbian? Seriously?
I have a massive craving for physical attention that cannot be curbed.
I have no problem being single when I am able to flirt and makeout with whoever I want.
But when I'm in a relationship, I need some kind of intimacy. It doesn't have to involve that much emotion. I just need that person to by my outlet for physicalness.
The only thing that fucked it up was the Jimmy thing confusing me.
After that, I just wanted to feel that someone thought me worthy enough to be with as a girlfriend.
And what do you know! I found it. But though this guy is sweet and will most likely be extremely good to me, there is no spark. Though I'm comfortable talking to him, we don't have a terrible lot in common. Nothing about him really that makes me weak in the knees.
To use a Grey's analogy- He is a George. Except a virgin George.
Though he's not completely clueless, he still doesn't know how to turn me on. And it's slightly frustrating.
To make matters worse, there is a guy- the great salsa dancer- who has been flirting with me, in full knowledge that I now have a boyfriend. And what's worse is he's good. I know he's good. He knows he's good. He kissed me even before my boyfriend kissed me. He does not even lie about what he is- he fools around with girls as a pastime. He is the bad boy. And god, I wish I weren't attracted to him.
He knows my boyfriend will be out of town this weekend, and he wants to see me. Oh bad sign. Bad bad very bad. This is another good reason to go to Heights this weekend. Though that might backfire, seeing as how I'll be spending time with young GI's and hopefully getting very very drunk. The drinking will at least help with this whole thinking too much thing.
Not to be outdone, my best male friend/first boyfriend, Mark has decided to kick up my notch of mental confusion. We spend a great deal of time together simply because we know each other so well and have most things in common in manners of what we like to do in our spare time and music, etc. It has been years since I felt any sort of physical attraction towards him. Thus the reason why I let him pass out in my bed last night, knowing it meant nothing in particular and nothing would happen.
Of course, I never do the smartest things when it comes to guys, but this was something that probably shouldn't have been done- mainly because I got an email from him today, saying he's fine with a platonic relationship with me but still managed to say that I'm the *only* person he knows he can spend the rest of his life with.
Why can't I just be a lesbian? Seriously?