Fic: As We Are Wont, 26
Severus,
I will not make you promises I cannot keep. There is a tide and I fear you are fighting an ocean. It's in your words. Why are you fighting? I wanted to see Voldemort take on the struggle, not you. I am listening. I write 'love' you.
Forgive, my thoughts are scattered. When I write, I hold a picture of us in my mind, how we must look through the roofs and sheets, how a mirror might gaze on the smalls of our backs. War brings many things-- crises in spirit, rendings of soul. If we believe that unforgivables tear us to shreds, it's a wonder anyone can live after war. There are miracles, however. It's in the contrast. The darker the dark. I am not thankful that this feud brought me to you, I cannot make that sort of calculation. Nothing about worth the pain, death, loss. I am thankful you exist and have survived to breathe with me. Unusually incoherent today.
Alastor has been questioning your allegiance. He raises doubts and his arguments are not unfounded. Albus is uncharacteristically silent, only chiding with expressions and his eyes. When he is gone, there are whispers. Alastor has experience, he reminds everyone of everything he's done for the sake of the Order in first days. No one comes to your defense, least of all me. It does no good. Alastor's constant vigilance would have us seeing enemies everywhere-- my association with you leads him to suspect me. We have frozen ranks.
Forgive, I know I am risking more than worth writing. I need to see you. Reassurance that you are a physical being, and tall. I need to touch you. I've been scratching my arms for the past half hour. I entreat. That is as far as I will promise.
Don't say anything. You don't need to. You have given me your hair-- that is the only sign I need.
Yours,
RJ Lupin