To Becky:
After all this time i had no idea,
After all this time i thought they were telling lies.
Knowing that I was the catalyst in this is almost unbearable.
I am so sorry.
I just want you to understand.
I enjoyed what we had together, honestly.
Ill never forget the times we had together,
the things we did together.
We explored so many new things hand in hand.
I love you for that.
It's taken me this long to realise it, and im sorry.
If i sit and think back hard enough,
I can still smell your shampoo in your hair,
and the way you felt in my arms.
That time has passed, I know that, and im not looking for it back,
But at least know that you werent nothing!
I don't know why things happened the way they did,
neither of us are to blame for that,
but in the end?
I knew there was nothing i could do to make it ok,
and for that i felt terrible,
but there was no other choice.
Things were what they were, and i couldnt change that.
But i promise you if i could have found a way to make it not hurt,
i would have!
Its not fair at all that you would have to deal with that,
and have no control over it.
I realize that.
I didnt ask for this either, and what happened after?
Im sorry you had to see me with someone so soon.
It wasn't that she was better than you.
There wasnt anything she had that you didnt.
You must have asked yourself why?
The truth is i dont know why, it was out of my control.
This is my demon as well.
the source of my insecurity.
knowing what kind of hurt someone can be caused
and not having any choice in it.
How can i have complete faith in my relationships now?
knowing what i know?
I want you to be able to forgive me.
and i want you to be able to forgive yourself.
Im happy now, where I am.
You should be too.
Look back on us fondly, not with fear and anguish.
We had too much to let it be clouded with unplaceable blame and confusion.
Please. For both of us...
Im sorry...
After all this time i thought they were telling lies.
Knowing that I was the catalyst in this is almost unbearable.
I am so sorry.
I just want you to understand.
I enjoyed what we had together, honestly.
Ill never forget the times we had together,
the things we did together.
We explored so many new things hand in hand.
I love you for that.
It's taken me this long to realise it, and im sorry.
If i sit and think back hard enough,
I can still smell your shampoo in your hair,
and the way you felt in my arms.
That time has passed, I know that, and im not looking for it back,
But at least know that you werent nothing!
I don't know why things happened the way they did,
neither of us are to blame for that,
but in the end?
I knew there was nothing i could do to make it ok,
and for that i felt terrible,
but there was no other choice.
Things were what they were, and i couldnt change that.
But i promise you if i could have found a way to make it not hurt,
i would have!
Its not fair at all that you would have to deal with that,
and have no control over it.
I realize that.
I didnt ask for this either, and what happened after?
Im sorry you had to see me with someone so soon.
It wasn't that she was better than you.
There wasnt anything she had that you didnt.
You must have asked yourself why?
The truth is i dont know why, it was out of my control.
This is my demon as well.
the source of my insecurity.
knowing what kind of hurt someone can be caused
and not having any choice in it.
How can i have complete faith in my relationships now?
knowing what i know?
I want you to be able to forgive me.
and i want you to be able to forgive yourself.
Im happy now, where I am.
You should be too.
Look back on us fondly, not with fear and anguish.
We had too much to let it be clouded with unplaceable blame and confusion.
Please. For both of us...
Im sorry...