(no subject)
Okay, so I think I am an absolute mess right now. I have no idea what's happening to me. Why am I behaving like this? I was never this bad, was I?
Okay, Re. Deep breath. Focus. Let's work through it, 'kay? Okay
There's something funky going on inside me, and I dunno what it is or why. I do know that it'll destroy me if I let it. But am I strong enough to fight? You know what, I don't think I am, and that scares me more then anything.
I've always had the devil inside me, or at least that's what Mother claims. She can't talk though - I've never even been arrested. It seems to be a fault in the family. The devil, I mean, not being arrested, thogh come to think of it...
Well, between my devil and the lack of food, my parents shipped me off to boarding school age 6. The Dragon Prep in Oxford. Grandmother on my mother's side paid - she had been dying for a a granddaughter, and I was the only one. And for two whole years, I kept the devil under control, but then he burst out and set fire to the school, and me and Kelly ended up expelled.
He's not popped out for ages. But I can feel him stirring again now. It's that same knotty feel all over again, and I am truly afraid. I don't know how to control it.
Like this week. Me and Taylor have been rude in every single class. I nearly got killed in English - literally. Death appeared and transported me to his plain. And that was whilst being threatened by a vampire.
And then in history, I threatened one of the Doctors with a lighter. And in maths and science, I left another Doctor in despair. And in defence, I have ben trying to fight Taylor, which is never a good idea. And I wrecked the art classroom. Something is seriously wrong.
But I dunno what to do. People keep trying to help, and I know that, but I don't know how to explain that they can't. I'm beyond their help, if you like. Almost like I'm possessed...Maybe I'm possessed? But no, because I can hear myself debating what to do. I am perfectly conscious of it all, but at the same time, it's like the irrational side of my brain has jumped out and captured sense, and I can hear common sense crying out but I can't do anything to hep it because the irrational side is in charge.
I think I need help. Maybe a psychiatric ward.Or a torture chamber. Oh god there I go again. It's taking over every part of me. I am so absolutely terrified of myself right now. I feel like I'm shrinking and shrinking whilst this horrid personality is growing, but she looks like me, and calls herself me, and no matter how much I protest, no one listens cause they can't hear cause I'm so small. I'm invisible. Mr Cellophane. I love that musical. I think I'm losing myself..
Okay, Re. Deep breath. Focus. Let's work through it, 'kay? Okay
There's something funky going on inside me, and I dunno what it is or why. I do know that it'll destroy me if I let it. But am I strong enough to fight? You know what, I don't think I am, and that scares me more then anything.
I've always had the devil inside me, or at least that's what Mother claims. She can't talk though - I've never even been arrested. It seems to be a fault in the family. The devil, I mean, not being arrested, thogh come to think of it...
Well, between my devil and the lack of food, my parents shipped me off to boarding school age 6. The Dragon Prep in Oxford. Grandmother on my mother's side paid - she had been dying for a a granddaughter, and I was the only one. And for two whole years, I kept the devil under control, but then he burst out and set fire to the school, and me and Kelly ended up expelled.
He's not popped out for ages. But I can feel him stirring again now. It's that same knotty feel all over again, and I am truly afraid. I don't know how to control it.
Like this week. Me and Taylor have been rude in every single class. I nearly got killed in English - literally. Death appeared and transported me to his plain. And that was whilst being threatened by a vampire.
And then in history, I threatened one of the Doctors with a lighter. And in maths and science, I left another Doctor in despair. And in defence, I have ben trying to fight Taylor, which is never a good idea. And I wrecked the art classroom. Something is seriously wrong.
But I dunno what to do. People keep trying to help, and I know that, but I don't know how to explain that they can't. I'm beyond their help, if you like. Almost like I'm possessed...Maybe I'm possessed? But no, because I can hear myself debating what to do. I am perfectly conscious of it all, but at the same time, it's like the irrational side of my brain has jumped out and captured sense, and I can hear common sense crying out but I can't do anything to hep it because the irrational side is in charge.
I think I need help. Maybe a psychiatric ward.Or a torture chamber. Oh god there I go again. It's taking over every part of me. I am so absolutely terrified of myself right now. I feel like I'm shrinking and shrinking whilst this horrid personality is growing, but she looks like me, and calls herself me, and no matter how much I protest, no one listens cause they can't hear cause I'm so small. I'm invisible. Mr Cellophane. I love that musical. I think I'm losing myself..