I have no confidence left
Okay guys I am officially making it known right here-I have NO confidence left anymore. Seriously, I can hardly even look at myself right now.
Tonight was so terrible. Okay, so two weeks ago James and I went to this gay club in Harrisburg and James met this really cute guy. Well, they continued talking/hitting it off so tonight James and I decided to come down to Harrisburg to go to a party this guy was holding. Well, since I didn't want to be the only lesbian I invited this girl I met at the club to come with me. When I asked her to come she was like "is this a date?" and I was like "okay, if you want it to be..." So anyway we picked her up and things were going okay until we got to the party. All she could talk about was how hot she was and how much she wanted a girl. Obviously I wasn't hot enough to even be considered. I have never had anyone make me feel so badly about myself as she did. I wish I could describe all the things she said that basically just spelled out "I'm really hot, why don't girls like me? You're really ugly, that's why girls aren't attracted to you." It was painful. All I wanted to do was cry.
Seriously I'm starting to think that I'm too hideous/socially inequipped to even leave the house. Okay, I'm exaggerating but honestly this (along with multiple other events of the last few weeks/my whole life) just strips me of so much of my confidence. I feel like people only ever feel mildly attracted to me because a) they want some ass and I seem easy b) I look like a lesbian or c) they know they can use me and I won't be upset. All I want to know is that I'm a worthwhile human being but sometimes I just don't even think it's true. Where are the people that love me?? I really need you guys right now. :cry:
Tonight was so terrible. Okay, so two weeks ago James and I went to this gay club in Harrisburg and James met this really cute guy. Well, they continued talking/hitting it off so tonight James and I decided to come down to Harrisburg to go to a party this guy was holding. Well, since I didn't want to be the only lesbian I invited this girl I met at the club to come with me. When I asked her to come she was like "is this a date?" and I was like "okay, if you want it to be..." So anyway we picked her up and things were going okay until we got to the party. All she could talk about was how hot she was and how much she wanted a girl. Obviously I wasn't hot enough to even be considered. I have never had anyone make me feel so badly about myself as she did. I wish I could describe all the things she said that basically just spelled out "I'm really hot, why don't girls like me? You're really ugly, that's why girls aren't attracted to you." It was painful. All I wanted to do was cry.
Seriously I'm starting to think that I'm too hideous/socially inequipped to even leave the house. Okay, I'm exaggerating but honestly this (along with multiple other events of the last few weeks/my whole life) just strips me of so much of my confidence. I feel like people only ever feel mildly attracted to me because a) they want some ass and I seem easy b) I look like a lesbian or c) they know they can use me and I won't be upset. All I want to know is that I'm a worthwhile human being but sometimes I just don't even think it's true. Where are the people that love me?? I really need you guys right now. :cry: