I think that I have said this before.
But after seeing mean girls it just some how keeps popping up in my brain. (oh and going shopping today didn't help)
I was plastic once.
Not like the girls in the movie.
but.
There wasn't a single day that I would go without getting fancy.
I wore make up everyday.
It was apart of getting up in the morning.
I got dressed up everyday.
I wore matching jewelry everyday.
My shoes were ober cute.
I turned some heads.
Majority of the time, I felt pretty.
I didn't know pain, depression, hurt, heartache, darkness.
Sadly enough, i know this sounds sallow, but I miss it.
Like if I had stayed friends with mel.
I probably would not know brian.
I wouldn't have met all the lovely ppl that come with him.
I wouldn't have known all the hardcore drug addicts I know.
Partying would be about drinkin beer.
I'd still be extremely plastic.
I wouldn't have wasted all this time being depressed.
I'd still feel pretty.
Depression, I have decided, is a colasol waste of time.
Seriously, why did I waste me time.
I feel like the world's biggest dumbass cause I was depressed.
I've learned that I fell of track somewhere near the middle of the first semester of my junior year.
That's when I stopped giving a shit.
That's when I wanted to die.
Now I'm working on getting back on track.
I went on a "date" the other night with george.
I realized that I really don't want a realationship.
Ok.
Yay it would be grand to have some one.
And have the perks.
But its really such a headache trying to be with someone.
and it ruins/changes things.
I had huge road blocks up the whole date.
HUGE HUGE HUGE.
another thing i realized is that i don't have emotions for brian.
yeah the caitlyn thing pissed me off.
but i realized it wasn't because i liked brian.
I'm not sure why it did.
When george kissed me i felt nothing.
It almost felt great to feel nothing.
He kissed me and nothing.
I was plastic once.
Not like the girls in the movie.
but.
There wasn't a single day that I would go without getting fancy.
I wore make up everyday.
It was apart of getting up in the morning.
I got dressed up everyday.
I wore matching jewelry everyday.
My shoes were ober cute.
I turned some heads.
Majority of the time, I felt pretty.
I didn't know pain, depression, hurt, heartache, darkness.
Sadly enough, i know this sounds sallow, but I miss it.
Like if I had stayed friends with mel.
I probably would not know brian.
I wouldn't have met all the lovely ppl that come with him.
I wouldn't have known all the hardcore drug addicts I know.
Partying would be about drinkin beer.
I'd still be extremely plastic.
I wouldn't have wasted all this time being depressed.
I'd still feel pretty.
Depression, I have decided, is a colasol waste of time.
Seriously, why did I waste me time.
I feel like the world's biggest dumbass cause I was depressed.
I've learned that I fell of track somewhere near the middle of the first semester of my junior year.
That's when I stopped giving a shit.
That's when I wanted to die.
Now I'm working on getting back on track.
I went on a "date" the other night with george.
I realized that I really don't want a realationship.
Ok.
Yay it would be grand to have some one.
And have the perks.
But its really such a headache trying to be with someone.
and it ruins/changes things.
I had huge road blocks up the whole date.
HUGE HUGE HUGE.
another thing i realized is that i don't have emotions for brian.
yeah the caitlyn thing pissed me off.
but i realized it wasn't because i liked brian.
I'm not sure why it did.
When george kissed me i felt nothing.
It almost felt great to feel nothing.
He kissed me and nothing.