i feel horrible

[rdcrptncamras]

so okay this is what happened yesterday. i took ty down to the store and he bought my ring. we paid cash so he got 10% off. then i had a totally special ed idea- "ty you should meet my parents" so we got there around...430 or so. he stayed till...915. so my grandpas all "bla bla bla visiting hours are over bla bla bla" so i had to take him home. we damn well could have stayed all night... he he slumber party!!! but no seriously. we sat out in the car arguing for 20 minutes and i did some stuff i kinda regret, said some mean things i guess. i sent him in there. i fed him to the lions!!! everything is my fault. his parents are bad people. they... "taught him about how hard the fence is" so now i want to beat all their asses. no one does that to my fiance!!! they're going to pay for this, one way or either, like it or not, Ty... i love him too much to let this slide. if it was legal, theyd have been dead for a long time already. unfortunately its not legal... i have some major homocidal fantasies involving rita and ed that i dont think you want to know. i hate myself for thinking such disgusting sadistic things, just another of my many shortcomings i suppose. i guess i hate them worse though...they're all just a bunch of sickos who deserve to die...
damn i cant believe i just said all of that... but its all true, and now im very scared... someone please beat some sense in me. shit i cant seem to get anything right... a failure of everything. life in general... cant i do anything right? this is all my fault. if i can send someone i love that much to his death (practically, i suppose he could have died) what could i do to someone i hate? how much of a fuck up am i??? someone please kill me before i fuck up someone else's life... any takers??? shit ill pay you to kill me. slow and painful... i deserve it