its all a dream....
i love it when just about every fleetwood mac song speaks to me...applies to me.
my policy is no regrets. so i hate it when i start regretting shit. when i regret coming to tucson. most of the time i love it here, but sometimes, kind of like now, kind of like last night, i wish i had gone somewhere else. done it on my own. found some way to texas make and won or lost, succeeded or failed on my own. not done the safe thing. gone somewhere new where i could be whoever i wanted. made friends or been a hermit. not had my best friend three feet away to encourage me, to support me, to bring me down. gotten out from under her shadow. been someone separate. Amy Alone. no one knowing Amy and Pam. or Pam and Amy, really. other times i think maybe tommy's got the right idea....shutting himself away from the rest of the world. it would have been hard, but maybe it would have been better for me. taken me out of my comfort zone, made me stronger, better, smarter. sometimes i wish i could do that now. just leave. go somewhere else. not wait for graduation, just go. move the fuck away from here, from her, from them, from him. from everything. been self reliant. like i'm not now. done what i wanted without a mother, a concious guilting me. it could have been good.
but i'll never know.
my policy is no regrets. so i hate it when i start regretting shit. when i regret coming to tucson. most of the time i love it here, but sometimes, kind of like now, kind of like last night, i wish i had gone somewhere else. done it on my own. found some way to texas make and won or lost, succeeded or failed on my own. not done the safe thing. gone somewhere new where i could be whoever i wanted. made friends or been a hermit. not had my best friend three feet away to encourage me, to support me, to bring me down. gotten out from under her shadow. been someone separate. Amy Alone. no one knowing Amy and Pam. or Pam and Amy, really. other times i think maybe tommy's got the right idea....shutting himself away from the rest of the world. it would have been hard, but maybe it would have been better for me. taken me out of my comfort zone, made me stronger, better, smarter. sometimes i wish i could do that now. just leave. go somewhere else. not wait for graduation, just go. move the fuck away from here, from her, from them, from him. from everything. been self reliant. like i'm not now. done what i wanted without a mother, a concious guilting me. it could have been good.
but i'll never know.