Lent
So, Lent is supposed to be a time of growing in your faith. I believe that I have always tried to do that. This Lent hasn't really gone like that though. Its not that I haven't been learning more about my faith, or not keeping my Lenten fast, nor spending time in reflection. I have been doing all of these things, but it just seems that the more I am in college the more I have crises of faith and the longer they last. I have been keeping my faith up here for almost four years, but every now and then I just sort of find it harder to believe. Eventually, these feelings go away, but I have never had one during Lent, and I think it has to do with a lot of different things. I see proof for my beliefs here and there, but rarely do I feel the touch of god anymore. It seems so weird sometimes to think that I might fall away from the church, especially for someone who once felt so strongly about their religion that they wanted to become a priest. At the same time, I hate to cling to my faith in God only because I wonder what kind of reaction people would have if they saw that I didn't believe. There are some things I feel and some things that I have been taught, and right now it seems like the things I have been taught are the things of the Catholic Church, and the things that I feel are the things that oppose its tradition. I almost think that next sunday, I won't go up to receive Communion, because it is very wrong to say Amen (public acknowledgment of the presence of Jesus in Communion) when you don't necessarily believe, and that is a big deal. I had an Uncle who wouldn't go receive Communion, and now I wonder if this is why. Its a shame he passed away a few years ago, otherwise, I would ask him.