Variations
Recognize this, anyone? :P If Furia’s the first real thing I ever wrote, this is the first good thing I ever wrote. Absolutely ancient of course, but all it needed was about four hours of editing and a pot of tea. I still think this is one of the better things I’ve written overall (which goes to show, I don’t think I’ve really budged that far in what I consider good writing.) Originalized etc., makes much more sense this way IMHO, not stretching to fit into canon. Anyhow. Out of all of these, the one I’m the most uncomfortable with is Lust. And by golly gee whiz, why is that? Probably the same reason I had such an awkward time editing A Richer Red Than Ruby (will post eventually; it's about date rape, basically.) I’m really not at all comfortable with writing about sex, lust, prostitution etc. I’ve written three completely different versions of this, and I like this one the most (mostly because it doesn’t introduce any other characters-it remains a he and a her and that’s it) but it’s still… gah. I’m much happier with Gluttony, though, which I wasn’t too partial to before either, and Envy. Still, I’m not particularly fond of Wrath & Sloth (the two weakest sections) and Greed & Envy look rather similar, but I’m at a loss to see how I could gracefully bring money into all this without making their financial situations explicit (which I really just want to keep out of it - this is supposed to be anyone.) Lots of trimming-cuttings pieces like the fini (which isn’t necessary; the ending’s kinda obvious) and certain motifs-but also elaborating on certain others, most notably Sloth. Much happier with this version; and I’m happy I didn’t have to spend too much time on this, I think it’s because this moldered completely undisturbed for more than a year as opposed to the usual two weeks.
As far as concrit is concerned, I’m looking at reducing melodrama, since as dramatic as the subject is, I don’t want to go completely overboard and look like some wannabe emo with a thesaurus. Also, characterization, mostly of the ‘he’-for all the variations on the particular situation the email finds him in, does it look like he is the same person, and involved in the same relationship? Will post at write_away after some concrit finds me here and I digest it properly.
100_original, ‘if’. table.
As a side note, I’m mildly tempted to do an additional seven where I go through the seven virtues and show how it’d still end up with the same end… or how she might be saved, but no better off. Being sent off to an asylum, given meds, landing herself in an abusive relationship, whatever. But that might just be redundant and annoying, I dunno. Thoughts?
As far as concrit is concerned, I’m looking at reducing melodrama, since as dramatic as the subject is, I don’t want to go completely overboard and look like some wannabe emo with a thesaurus. Also, characterization, mostly of the ‘he’-for all the variations on the particular situation the email finds him in, does it look like he is the same person, and involved in the same relationship? Will post at write_away after some concrit finds me here and I digest it properly.
100_original, ‘if’. table.
As a side note, I’m mildly tempted to do an additional seven where I go through the seven virtues and show how it’d still end up with the same end… or how she might be saved, but no better off. Being sent off to an asylum, given meds, landing herself in an abusive relationship, whatever. But that might just be redundant and annoying, I dunno. Thoughts?