suicidal thoughts run through my head, but why? why, im so happy
its one of the happiest ive ever been. im so content with myself. this weekend we got first in our dance compition, and i personally did really well in the workshop we had this weekend. i didnt care if i looked stupied to other people if i messed up, if i made a mistake then it was a big one, and i showed it. ive never sweated so much and i just sucked it up and kept dancing. i felt so acomplished at the end of the day. i have the perfect love life, and theres nothing more that i really wish for. well, i mean i guess there could be, but thats not the point. on the car ride home from the workshop, i was so happy. i couldnt have been happier. its SPRING. its almost summer. its everything i want. i was sooo happy. and i dont think i could have been happier if i tried. and thats exactly what i was thinking. and a gun to my head, and then lieing dead looking at my body from a couple feet up above would have made me smile more. and i know why it would have, because i know that i would have died as happy as i could be. of course i never would, and i sware im not crazy. and no i dont think of suicied and i would never attempt it. it just seemed like the perfect task, the perfect deed. it seemed like the key to staying that happy forever. to feel like that forever. i dont understand why people commit suicied when they are depressed. the perfect suicied, when your perfectly happy.