(no subject)
Today was nothing special. It rained again and i loved it. My books got wet...i got a lil cranky. lol. But either way, today it didnt feel like any usual monday, i mean...today was the usual rutine but its hard to explain. oh i know...lol. I skipped my history class, i sleep either way so yeah, why do i even bother going to it right? lol. I ate lunch today even tho im suppose to be on a diet. Crappers, i ruined it. lol. I went to the financial aid thingy to fix my about of money for my books and well yeah i guess i have to go back tomorrow to go get it because i need that book a.s.a.p. and i wont be going on wed. so i need it really bad, but i dont wanna go, my gas wastes fast ~_~. lol Today i really dont know how i felt. My feelings are still hurt, they are still confused, they are still in a position in which someone can just come along and take advantage. Why is it that they always say that what doesnt kill you always just makes u strong but in my case it always makes me weaker and weaker? Why is it that sometimes i just wanna give up on life all together, school, family, friends, myself, my believes? Sometimes i think about quitting school and just get a job and live the rest of my life like any typical mexican could, but when i think about the hardships that ive gone thru to get where i am, all those college hrs and scholarships, they pull me back and remind me of what the right thing is, the right thing to do and the course of my path that i should take. But honestly, what is the right thing for me? I keep thinking and thinking whats wrong with me, its like if i just want drop dead and just be done over with this whole expericence called life. I see ppl doing great things and doing what they love and giving everything they got to whats life has to offer them. How is it that our parents got thru all these things and still be able to stand on two feet and deal the good with the bad with children, troubles, problmes, and obsticales that happen? I really admire all parents who care for their children, how they strive to help them in every way possible no matter what. I seem to always be asking questions that are always impossible to answer or to come up with an idea? After a good lil nap, the best nap ive ever taken in my whole life, i just realized that i knew this was gonna happen, its not like i didnt see it in my dreams, the whole college experience and how we all change and everyone goes thru different paths. Hmmm, yeah...maybe its just that thats the final stage in shaping us? or is it the final stage in shaping me, myself as an individual? Whatever it is, that nap was sure the best one ive ever had before and hopefully in the future, i have many more, time seems to go by faster and more soomther and peaceful and better.