(no subject)
I don't really feel up to a full update... so here's that blurb thing I do...
More cool talks with granma about who I am and how my life is (This all may sound harsh to all of you but if anything one of the coolest things about granma and I is that we are honest with each other. Sometimes to a fault but we both respect and understand how we can talk to each other.).... Parts of Conclusion= I'm not #1 in anyone in my families life, never have been, never will be, not even her. I also wouldn't know what to do with myself if I ever truly became a high level priority. (Example, the only guy I've ever dated who really thought I should be his #1, I dumped as harshly as I could for it within not even 3 weeks. Other guys who were dating prospects but looked like they might have been like that about me... never got the chance. Instead they either got played or constantly had "just friends" shoved down their throuts.) [<~ pointed that out in a convo to John recently. Maybe thinking that it might have been a bad idea and I know when I went back to read it that it came across all wrong... This even came out wrong. It's a hard concept to explain without comming off self pittying but the concept was worded best by one of my profs.- We're all dumbasses. IT's just a question of what type of dumbass we are. Are we lazy dumb ass who's at the top of the food chain because he's smart and highers only hard working dumbasses or are we the hard working dumbass. Both are typically and generally content with their level of dumbass. Some people even enjoy it. It's just a matter of your placement in the dumbass pyramid.] But I am good at assessing situations. I'm very sincere and compassionate. And while I get hurt a lot because of this sincerity and compassion it is also much to the benefit of the people around me and the grand scores of writting I've produced that only she has read whole texts of. (which she thinks I should one day attempt at cleaning up some of it or finishing other works for an attempt at publication. but i'm not there yet.) And there's more but I'm thinking that the several hour drive to the mountains and back today is taking it's toll on me and that I'm just not making any sense.
And speaking of which. Driving on the highway for hours on end sucks! Driving on a windy mountain with a cliff on the side sucks! and while driving as a whole can be a good thing, for today- it entirely sucked.
Actually got along with dad today... amazing.
Everyone in family is getting sick.
I don't think I'm doing well in a couple of classes. Major badness there.
The responsibility of Sistermom sucks but apparently I am pretty good at it. (So say's the brat)
And now I need to go ahead and write John before I go to bed cuz I have not kept up on that the way I keep saying I will and I really need to do better. And I have made it a goal of mine to do so.
GOODNIGHT!
More cool talks with granma about who I am and how my life is (This all may sound harsh to all of you but if anything one of the coolest things about granma and I is that we are honest with each other. Sometimes to a fault but we both respect and understand how we can talk to each other.).... Parts of Conclusion= I'm not #1 in anyone in my families life, never have been, never will be, not even her. I also wouldn't know what to do with myself if I ever truly became a high level priority. (Example, the only guy I've ever dated who really thought I should be his #1, I dumped as harshly as I could for it within not even 3 weeks. Other guys who were dating prospects but looked like they might have been like that about me... never got the chance. Instead they either got played or constantly had "just friends" shoved down their throuts.) [<~ pointed that out in a convo to John recently. Maybe thinking that it might have been a bad idea and I know when I went back to read it that it came across all wrong... This even came out wrong. It's a hard concept to explain without comming off self pittying but the concept was worded best by one of my profs.- We're all dumbasses. IT's just a question of what type of dumbass we are. Are we lazy dumb ass who's at the top of the food chain because he's smart and highers only hard working dumbasses or are we the hard working dumbass. Both are typically and generally content with their level of dumbass. Some people even enjoy it. It's just a matter of your placement in the dumbass pyramid.] But I am good at assessing situations. I'm very sincere and compassionate. And while I get hurt a lot because of this sincerity and compassion it is also much to the benefit of the people around me and the grand scores of writting I've produced that only she has read whole texts of. (which she thinks I should one day attempt at cleaning up some of it or finishing other works for an attempt at publication. but i'm not there yet.) And there's more but I'm thinking that the several hour drive to the mountains and back today is taking it's toll on me and that I'm just not making any sense.
And speaking of which. Driving on the highway for hours on end sucks! Driving on a windy mountain with a cliff on the side sucks! and while driving as a whole can be a good thing, for today- it entirely sucked.
Actually got along with dad today... amazing.
Everyone in family is getting sick.
I don't think I'm doing well in a couple of classes. Major badness there.
The responsibility of Sistermom sucks but apparently I am pretty good at it. (So say's the brat)
And now I need to go ahead and write John before I go to bed cuz I have not kept up on that the way I keep saying I will and I really need to do better. And I have made it a goal of mine to do so.
GOODNIGHT!