(no subject)
I am so fucking frustrated with everything that has been going on in my life. I don't know what I want to do with Pat, and right now I am so fucking exhausted physically and emotionally that no matter what, I am going to feel like shit.
He said he would change which would include not doing things that upset me...and what does he do? He goes and does them. I know I am very ultra sensitive sometimes. But I am well within my rights to ask that he not touch me if I feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I just don't feel right and he doesn't fucking care. He thinks I am being unreasonable and that I can just fix myself to suit him. Well no, no I can't. And if you cared about more than just yourself Pat, you'd really understand that touching, even if it's not overtly sexual, can leave me feeling really shitty about myself.
When I ask you to stop, I expect you to comply and respect my wishes, not do whatever the fuck you want.
No I don't want to be like this for life, but your "mentally overcoming" bullshit...is just that, bullshit. I have dealt with enough psychologists, therapists, social workers, etc in my life and no one has done shit for me. What makes you think your little theory is going to cure me?
ugh.
In other news, I am burnt out officially from school. After this weekend, I have been left a shell of a student...and even less of an artist. There are no independent thoughts floating in my head right now...and it's just bad.
And making me feel even crappier is the fact that I bumped into McNerney at the gym this evening...I was on an olyptical(sp?) trainer and I had an urge to turn around, and there he was, getting ready to go on one of the machines behind me. I was just like "oh great, so now a guy that I liked in highschool can watch my big fat ass jiggle up and down as I sweat like a pig..."
I said hi lol
and then I left.
I think this concludes my rant for right now...
BLAH!!!!!!
He said he would change which would include not doing things that upset me...and what does he do? He goes and does them. I know I am very ultra sensitive sometimes. But I am well within my rights to ask that he not touch me if I feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I just don't feel right and he doesn't fucking care. He thinks I am being unreasonable and that I can just fix myself to suit him. Well no, no I can't. And if you cared about more than just yourself Pat, you'd really understand that touching, even if it's not overtly sexual, can leave me feeling really shitty about myself.
When I ask you to stop, I expect you to comply and respect my wishes, not do whatever the fuck you want.
No I don't want to be like this for life, but your "mentally overcoming" bullshit...is just that, bullshit. I have dealt with enough psychologists, therapists, social workers, etc in my life and no one has done shit for me. What makes you think your little theory is going to cure me?
ugh.
In other news, I am burnt out officially from school. After this weekend, I have been left a shell of a student...and even less of an artist. There are no independent thoughts floating in my head right now...and it's just bad.
And making me feel even crappier is the fact that I bumped into McNerney at the gym this evening...I was on an olyptical(sp?) trainer and I had an urge to turn around, and there he was, getting ready to go on one of the machines behind me. I was just like "oh great, so now a guy that I liked in highschool can watch my big fat ass jiggle up and down as I sweat like a pig..."
I said hi lol
and then I left.
I think this concludes my rant for right now...
BLAH!!!!!!