Laura was craving peanut butter crackers and infomercials, so I've no chance of getting to sleep any time soon. So I prod the internet a bit and come up with this:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
RbloodysterlingitisCause:drug abuseSymptoms:pale skin, talking like a pirate, slightly impaired hearingCure:attempt to repeat cause
Hrm. Horribly accurate. Except for the drug abuse part.
Mostly.