Because I haven't posted in a while
The story of an event I attended from three weeks ago:
-I purchased two mystery tickets. Following the purchase, I was nearly hit by a firetruck. An old lady tried to make me feel shame. She failed.
-Hours later, I sauntered over to the event with an accomplice. Identification was shown. Inspections were performed by women in uniform. They found nothing.
-Two keys were turned. Nukes were armed. Six ounces of water were displaced.
-A cross between Big Gay Al and Desi Arnaz explained how chairs worked and why sitting in them is generally a bad idea.
-Chairman Min was brought out by chariot.
-The Shins and the "Lazy Sunday" SNL guy were brought out in shackles. Lightly flogged.
-A strapping woman (with strap-on) molested said musical artists. She then proceeded to head upstairs and sit on the bar. Not at the bar. On the bar. There were molestations aplenty.
-Chairman Min became bored and demanded the musicians write a song integrating New Kids on the Block lyrics.
-A different woman in a cheerleader outfit with a 12" mohawk molested me. I cried. She then went to celebrate a bachelorette party and a feigned legalization of gay marriage.
-David Cross hit me in the face with a frozen apple pie. No apologies were made.
-Musicians became drunk and beaten. Songs were performed. Everybody left.
I would tell you about my other adventures and escapades, but for the sake of all involved, it would be best not. (I am mysterious!)
-I purchased two mystery tickets. Following the purchase, I was nearly hit by a firetruck. An old lady tried to make me feel shame. She failed.
-Hours later, I sauntered over to the event with an accomplice. Identification was shown. Inspections were performed by women in uniform. They found nothing.
-Two keys were turned. Nukes were armed. Six ounces of water were displaced.
-A cross between Big Gay Al and Desi Arnaz explained how chairs worked and why sitting in them is generally a bad idea.
-Chairman Min was brought out by chariot.
-The Shins and the "Lazy Sunday" SNL guy were brought out in shackles. Lightly flogged.
-A strapping woman (with strap-on) molested said musical artists. She then proceeded to head upstairs and sit on the bar. Not at the bar. On the bar. There were molestations aplenty.
-Chairman Min became bored and demanded the musicians write a song integrating New Kids on the Block lyrics.
-A different woman in a cheerleader outfit with a 12" mohawk molested me. I cried. She then went to celebrate a bachelorette party and a feigned legalization of gay marriage.
-David Cross hit me in the face with a frozen apple pie. No apologies were made.
-Musicians became drunk and beaten. Songs were performed. Everybody left.
I would tell you about my other adventures and escapades, but for the sake of all involved, it would be best not. (I am mysterious!)