Things I learned at my first Oktoberfest
-In Washington, Oktoberfest takes place in September. We are that awesome. We are better than time itself.
-At Oktoberfest, you are given a tiny mug. Mine was very cute. I gave it a little bonnet and fed it beer and named it Patricia. One day, I hope it will become a full grown mug.
-You are required to order an overpriced bratwurst at Oktoberfest. You are not allowed to place said bratwurst in your tiny mug. Although the mug is the perfect size to do so, it is considered impolite.
-A local newspaper sponsored Oktoberfest. I'm betting that you think no one would ever write, "Man seeks pregnant, lactating woman. Not a fetish," as a classified ad. Well, you're wrong. (My friend's explanation for this ad: "I can't afford store bought milk and have lots of cookies.")
-Currency at Oktoberfest is Pogs. Yes, Pogs. Pog enthusiasts from 1994 loved this idea and are not planning to sober up until 2018.
-I once thought that a tiny mug would only get tiny people drunk. This is not the case. (I was not one of the many festival-goers to get drunk. I didn't have enough Pogs.)
-Never go to an Oktoberfest with five depressed men wearing matching yellow jackets unless you have a good story. "There was a leak at the nuclear reactor," is not a good story.
-If you get cider, everyone will call you a woman and then order cider.
-When someone says, "That was the best piss of my life. The port-o-potty smells like beer!" it is time to leave.
-At Oktoberfest, you are given a tiny mug. Mine was very cute. I gave it a little bonnet and fed it beer and named it Patricia. One day, I hope it will become a full grown mug.
-You are required to order an overpriced bratwurst at Oktoberfest. You are not allowed to place said bratwurst in your tiny mug. Although the mug is the perfect size to do so, it is considered impolite.
-A local newspaper sponsored Oktoberfest. I'm betting that you think no one would ever write, "Man seeks pregnant, lactating woman. Not a fetish," as a classified ad. Well, you're wrong. (My friend's explanation for this ad: "I can't afford store bought milk and have lots of cookies.")
-Currency at Oktoberfest is Pogs. Yes, Pogs. Pog enthusiasts from 1994 loved this idea and are not planning to sober up until 2018.
-I once thought that a tiny mug would only get tiny people drunk. This is not the case. (I was not one of the many festival-goers to get drunk. I didn't have enough Pogs.)
-Never go to an Oktoberfest with five depressed men wearing matching yellow jackets unless you have a good story. "There was a leak at the nuclear reactor," is not a good story.
-If you get cider, everyone will call you a woman and then order cider.
-When someone says, "That was the best piss of my life. The port-o-potty smells like beer!" it is time to leave.