(no subject)
i have always wondered if people really did plan to "fade to black" and how that went for them. i have been thinking about this for quite some time now, leaving and never coming back. i read novels about people crossing the country and becoming new people. and i watch movies where people make new friends and never call the people that were supposed to love them unconditionally. and the thing is i have some conditions, which means i have less friends than i had last week.
i love madeleine. and janeen. and chelsea, even though i have a feeling she is never coming back. i miss ben isaiah more than i have ever missed anyone. i wish i could be where he is right now. and chad loves me but he doesn't know me. and then ben and matt bring me happiness but they could care less about the harm i bring upon myself. i am forever lonely.
but i think i have come to the conclusion that it isn't going to change. and that's okay. i will read and paint and walk the streets without a single purpose. to live i suppose, to make sure i don't waste my breath and energy on others when i could just use it for me. in the end it will be okay...i can't move to california, not sure if i want to. but i need to not be around the people i have been around. i am going to stop answering my phone because i feel obligated. hell, if laura d calls me i am picking up. or peirce or sanne or anna or those people i never gave a real chance to. they are the ones that are still around, even though i never see them. funny how things work out. hey to emily, glad you are okay dollface.
listen to citizen cope's second album the clarence greenwood recordings.
i love madeleine. and janeen. and chelsea, even though i have a feeling she is never coming back. i miss ben isaiah more than i have ever missed anyone. i wish i could be where he is right now. and chad loves me but he doesn't know me. and then ben and matt bring me happiness but they could care less about the harm i bring upon myself. i am forever lonely.
but i think i have come to the conclusion that it isn't going to change. and that's okay. i will read and paint and walk the streets without a single purpose. to live i suppose, to make sure i don't waste my breath and energy on others when i could just use it for me. in the end it will be okay...i can't move to california, not sure if i want to. but i need to not be around the people i have been around. i am going to stop answering my phone because i feel obligated. hell, if laura d calls me i am picking up. or peirce or sanne or anna or those people i never gave a real chance to. they are the ones that are still around, even though i never see them. funny how things work out. hey to emily, glad you are okay dollface.
listen to citizen cope's second album the clarence greenwood recordings.