(no subject)
I am probably overdue for an update. I know I am.
I am working at a restaurant now. I helped open it too, scrubbing the kitchen and whatnot... Front of the House Manager... about to be salaried... sweet deal really, unless you count that I havent had a day off in two weeks and I havent worked less than a 10hr day in that period or that since Chris works nights and I work morings I have barely spoken to him since starting, hes asleep when I leave and Im alseep when he gets home... but I like it there, at least for now.
Speaking of which... still very much with Chris, year and a halfish for those who keep track, lord knows I surprise myself when I actually have to think about how long we've been together, it seems so fresh to me still that its weird to think of how long its been an 'us'... I love him. He treats me like Im something precious, it sounds silly when I put it that way, but its true. He met my Nonna, she loves him, says hes perfect for me. So the only one who doesnt like him (and I mean at all) is my Mother. Even my sister thinks hes ok, would say especially *fond*... but its Jen we're talking about.
I feel kinda inferior whenever I talk to anyone from high school, or even college really. I dropped out, gave up, the whole nine. I just wish I didnt know (deep down) that when every day when I shrug and smile and say that Im 'putting it on hold' this semester, that I am 'totally taking classes next spring'... Im just lying. I think about classes, I really do. I even kinda want to go back. But I wont. I probably never really will go back to school. This past (botched) summer with camp finally finished souring me on working with kids, because of all the crappy politics surrounding it, so I dont really want to teach, that is just something convenient to say, I like special ed, but only really because I feel good saying that I help them and because I can feel smarter than someone then. I know this all makes me an awful person, but Im not sure I care anymore. I really have no clue what I want. Part of me wonders if I became so bent about teaching because Im so damn jealous that Jen has had everything figured out for about a decade. The crappy thing is that she never flaunts it and shes a wonderful person, so I cant dislike her for it. Just every time I talk to my Mother I get reminded about how wonderful everything she does is and how much of a burden she sees me as.Maybe shes right, but I just really dont know how to tell he to bite me and shove off, I want to, but its not gonna happen.
So for the people who actually read this, sorry to rant, I should probably cut this but I am way too tired right now, and since I rarely do I real post, I think youll survive my cluttering your friend's page for a few hours.
I am working at a restaurant now. I helped open it too, scrubbing the kitchen and whatnot... Front of the House Manager... about to be salaried... sweet deal really, unless you count that I havent had a day off in two weeks and I havent worked less than a 10hr day in that period or that since Chris works nights and I work morings I have barely spoken to him since starting, hes asleep when I leave and Im alseep when he gets home... but I like it there, at least for now.
Speaking of which... still very much with Chris, year and a halfish for those who keep track, lord knows I surprise myself when I actually have to think about how long we've been together, it seems so fresh to me still that its weird to think of how long its been an 'us'... I love him. He treats me like Im something precious, it sounds silly when I put it that way, but its true. He met my Nonna, she loves him, says hes perfect for me. So the only one who doesnt like him (and I mean at all) is my Mother. Even my sister thinks hes ok, would say especially *fond*... but its Jen we're talking about.
I feel kinda inferior whenever I talk to anyone from high school, or even college really. I dropped out, gave up, the whole nine. I just wish I didnt know (deep down) that when every day when I shrug and smile and say that Im 'putting it on hold' this semester, that I am 'totally taking classes next spring'... Im just lying. I think about classes, I really do. I even kinda want to go back. But I wont. I probably never really will go back to school. This past (botched) summer with camp finally finished souring me on working with kids, because of all the crappy politics surrounding it, so I dont really want to teach, that is just something convenient to say, I like special ed, but only really because I feel good saying that I help them and because I can feel smarter than someone then. I know this all makes me an awful person, but Im not sure I care anymore. I really have no clue what I want. Part of me wonders if I became so bent about teaching because Im so damn jealous that Jen has had everything figured out for about a decade. The crappy thing is that she never flaunts it and shes a wonderful person, so I cant dislike her for it. Just every time I talk to my Mother I get reminded about how wonderful everything she does is and how much of a burden she sees me as.Maybe shes right, but I just really dont know how to tell he to bite me and shove off, I want to, but its not gonna happen.
So for the people who actually read this, sorry to rant, I should probably cut this but I am way too tired right now, and since I rarely do I real post, I think youll survive my cluttering your friend's page for a few hours.