(no subject)
Weekly Update
Five Great Things About Last Week
Old Memory
This would have been after I was 7 or 8. We had moved our horses out to Wills Points, beyond the train museum featured in the middle of town. You turned left, and went down a very long road past the huge transformers, and one of many run down trailer homes on a lot with huge pasture fenced in and some run down barns, and there were our horses. The man who lived there had chows. We had to be very careful to not anger these dogs, because they were immensely aggressive and usually chained up. I remember not being allowed out of the van without boots to prevent snake/bug bites. The man in the trailer home did not own the land, just was the caretaker. He has lost a pinky toe at some point. He told me that he lost it to a lawn mower, but being so young, he could have been telling me a story to scare me. There were many many cows in the pastures, and some horses at times, but mostly it was just our horses. Stormy, Request and Red. We went down to the owner’s house down the road sometimes. It was two stories. I have flashes of memories of being outside this house, and that there was a boy there, but not much beyond it. We went there for Easter once. I wore a purple dress and stained it with something. The stain never came out, but my mother still loved that dress on me. She would bring it up for years afterwards.
Red horse loved to lay down in the front pasture and scare my mother by pretending to be dead. She’d just be in shock and she’d whistle at him and he’s just roll up, like Hi. I’m fine. That was funny, right? Red is still buried far back in that pasture, near the river. I remember my father cutting off a piece of his tail for my mother when he died. It stayed in a cardboard box with his lead and halter in her closet for the rest of her life.
Five Great Things About Last Week
- We signed on a new house lease. It’s about twice the size, and mostly wooded floors with a huge kitchen with slate tile. It’s beautiful. Not perfect, and not really a place I’d buy, but I am glad to not be looking for somewhere to live anymore. Really glad.
- I love my husband. I don’t talk about it much, but sometimes you just lay in bed, and remember how you met and what your first kiss was like… and you feel so young, giddy and idiotic again. I have that feeling every once in a while. Marriage often smothers it with daily life of chasing kid and feeding dogs and not murdering the cat..
- My medication finally started normalizing around Friday. That was great. The week before it was .. well. Not Great. I am glad to feel somewhat normal again, not like my brain has had all the wires rerouted through Fucked Up Don’t Care Waking Dreamland.
- I had a really fucked up dream where John showed up and I got to punch him for asking me to cheat on my husband. The dream sucked, but the punch was immensely cathartic. That was great.
- I saw Only Yesterday and while it is not my favorite Ghibli movie, I would say it is Really. Important. to watch. This movie summarizes a lot of my feelings about my childhood, and growing up. You spend 3/4 of the movie wondering what you are watching and abruptly you suddenly get drawn in and you really feel everything happening to this woman as she tells her story.
- Bonus: Watched Winter’s Bone. Fucking epic movie. It hit me hard, because I was suddenly looking straight at my childhood. Not through a lens of nostalgia or fuzzy memories, but straight at it. The cluttered run down yards. Roaming dogs, skinny horses who haven’t been fed. Learning to shoot at plastic cups. While I didn’t live in that world 24/7, being a part of it every weekend made it a memorable part of my life. The movie, it cuts no punches on showing what rural poverty is like. And it is a strangely pro-female movie. All of the movie seems to show how abused, disrespected and run down these women are by their niche of society, and yet this girl refuses to take any of that abuse lying down. She gets kicked around in almost every scene, either emotionally or physically, and she gets back up every day. It’s fucking awesome.
Old Memory
This would have been after I was 7 or 8. We had moved our horses out to Wills Points, beyond the train museum featured in the middle of town. You turned left, and went down a very long road past the huge transformers, and one of many run down trailer homes on a lot with huge pasture fenced in and some run down barns, and there were our horses. The man who lived there had chows. We had to be very careful to not anger these dogs, because they were immensely aggressive and usually chained up. I remember not being allowed out of the van without boots to prevent snake/bug bites. The man in the trailer home did not own the land, just was the caretaker. He has lost a pinky toe at some point. He told me that he lost it to a lawn mower, but being so young, he could have been telling me a story to scare me. There were many many cows in the pastures, and some horses at times, but mostly it was just our horses. Stormy, Request and Red. We went down to the owner’s house down the road sometimes. It was two stories. I have flashes of memories of being outside this house, and that there was a boy there, but not much beyond it. We went there for Easter once. I wore a purple dress and stained it with something. The stain never came out, but my mother still loved that dress on me. She would bring it up for years afterwards.
Red horse loved to lay down in the front pasture and scare my mother by pretending to be dead. She’d just be in shock and she’d whistle at him and he’s just roll up, like Hi. I’m fine. That was funny, right? Red is still buried far back in that pasture, near the river. I remember my father cutting off a piece of his tail for my mother when he died. It stayed in a cardboard box with his lead and halter in her closet for the rest of her life.