(no subject)
i'm afraid of failing; afraid of disappointing not only others, but ultimately, myself.
i build up this mental image of what i believe i am capable of. maybe it's too idealistic; maybe not. either way, i fall short and am finding it hard to keep reaching for that standard and reaching for that goal.
maybe i get broken down too easily; maybe it's just one of those days.
the past 2 weeks have been busy-busy-busy. hectic times in which i cannot capture one moment that i haven't had something stressing me out in the back of my mind - co-op jobs, midterms, other personal issues, etc
midterms x 4 come to an end tonight, thank god. they've been much harder than anticipated... i fell asleep studying last night way too early - probably around 12:30 or so. i was still reading over notes for chapter 1.
i woke up in a panic at 5:30 this morning, light still on, glasses still on, book still open on the pillow next to me.
i've been up ever since trying to get my ass in gear to study for this last midterm. i'm craving sleep like you would not believe.
there have been babies all around lately. travis, at work, brought in his new baby girl on monday. gaby's sister just had a baby, patrick and his wife just had a baby and zavier is absolutely gorgeous. holding all these tiny soft babies makes me almost wish i could skip past all the stuff in between now and getting married/having a family.
it makes me think about what i'd like, ultimately. on one hand, i have all these dreams to be this incredibly successful international businessperson, doing market research in a field that i'm passionate about and love - food or the media - all over the world. combining two things i find fascinating - culture and market research; doing something with my life.
but one day i also want a family. and babies. every time i watch "I Do! Let's Eat!" on the food network, i can't wait to get married and plan everything and find that person that i can see forever with.
can i have both? or is this just another idealistic picture i've built up in my head?
i can't wait to go home again. i miss everyone at home and my house. july 6-7-8-9 can't come soon enough. 90% of my time is already booked - there's so much i want to do. i'm glad that i'm coming back for the first weekend of summerlicious. getting dressed up for a dinner downtown with the girls at an overpriced, but gorgeous restaurant we'd otherwise never end up at. it all feels so sex in the city.
speaking of which... they took it off CityTv at 7:00pm so I can't watch it anymore! damn you citytv!
anyways. one more midterm. i can do this. focus. study. sigh.
i build up this mental image of what i believe i am capable of. maybe it's too idealistic; maybe not. either way, i fall short and am finding it hard to keep reaching for that standard and reaching for that goal.
maybe i get broken down too easily; maybe it's just one of those days.
the past 2 weeks have been busy-busy-busy. hectic times in which i cannot capture one moment that i haven't had something stressing me out in the back of my mind - co-op jobs, midterms, other personal issues, etc
midterms x 4 come to an end tonight, thank god. they've been much harder than anticipated... i fell asleep studying last night way too early - probably around 12:30 or so. i was still reading over notes for chapter 1.
i woke up in a panic at 5:30 this morning, light still on, glasses still on, book still open on the pillow next to me.
i've been up ever since trying to get my ass in gear to study for this last midterm. i'm craving sleep like you would not believe.
there have been babies all around lately. travis, at work, brought in his new baby girl on monday. gaby's sister just had a baby, patrick and his wife just had a baby and zavier is absolutely gorgeous. holding all these tiny soft babies makes me almost wish i could skip past all the stuff in between now and getting married/having a family.
it makes me think about what i'd like, ultimately. on one hand, i have all these dreams to be this incredibly successful international businessperson, doing market research in a field that i'm passionate about and love - food or the media - all over the world. combining two things i find fascinating - culture and market research; doing something with my life.
but one day i also want a family. and babies. every time i watch "I Do! Let's Eat!" on the food network, i can't wait to get married and plan everything and find that person that i can see forever with.
can i have both? or is this just another idealistic picture i've built up in my head?
i can't wait to go home again. i miss everyone at home and my house. july 6-7-8-9 can't come soon enough. 90% of my time is already booked - there's so much i want to do. i'm glad that i'm coming back for the first weekend of summerlicious. getting dressed up for a dinner downtown with the girls at an overpriced, but gorgeous restaurant we'd otherwise never end up at. it all feels so sex in the city.
speaking of which... they took it off CityTv at 7:00pm so I can't watch it anymore! damn you citytv!
anyways. one more midterm. i can do this. focus. study. sigh.