(no subject)
I have reconciled with my ex. Stupid really. I was talking to him on the phone yesterday and it didnt take long for the conversation to turn to sex. I shoudlnt be surprised really. He wouldnt have changed that quickly. I have told him that I dont want to be friends with benefits ever.
I had an appointment with Zoe today. It went well. She finally got around to reading all of my journal. I had ;ike ten pages. That was me hardly writing anythign at all. I wrote six pages when I was in hospital. Zoe wants me to write down why I think I will lose my identity if I stop cutting. I should do that now. I feel as though, damn I had this planned out in my head. What was I going to say? I think of cutting as my identity because people have given me that label. I feel as though other people know me as the person who cuts themselves so what will I become if I no longer am that person. I recognise that it is a behaviour but it is other people who have given me the identity because I rely so much on what others think that is why I see it as my identity. I realise that I have roles as a friend and a sister and a daughter. I realise that I have responsibilities within those roles. Zoe and I also talked about how long I am going to wait till I make the conscious decision to stop cutting. I should make the decision now to stop cutting. I am going to make the decision to stop cutting. Wow thats a huge step. I believe that I will be able to stop for a long time but that I will have relapses. I'm being realistic not pessimistic.
I had an appointment with Zoe today. It went well. She finally got around to reading all of my journal. I had ;ike ten pages. That was me hardly writing anythign at all. I wrote six pages when I was in hospital. Zoe wants me to write down why I think I will lose my identity if I stop cutting. I should do that now. I feel as though, damn I had this planned out in my head. What was I going to say? I think of cutting as my identity because people have given me that label. I feel as though other people know me as the person who cuts themselves so what will I become if I no longer am that person. I recognise that it is a behaviour but it is other people who have given me the identity because I rely so much on what others think that is why I see it as my identity. I realise that I have roles as a friend and a sister and a daughter. I realise that I have responsibilities within those roles. Zoe and I also talked about how long I am going to wait till I make the conscious decision to stop cutting. I should make the decision now to stop cutting. I am going to make the decision to stop cutting. Wow thats a huge step. I believe that I will be able to stop for a long time but that I will have relapses. I'm being realistic not pessimistic.