dazed and confused
I'm being taken over by emotions of sorrow. Guilt, sadness, loliness,
grief. i'm doomed to fuck up my life i know it. I feel like everytime i
try to make thigns work i only help to make them worse. did i break a
mirror sometime in my life and my 7 year of bad luck have just begun?..
if so kill me now. The urge to cut crept upon my mind and slowly moved
down my spine into my fingers dwelling for the coldness of the razor. I
ignored the urge and cried.. the next best thing. I feel like i have to
live up to high expectations in life to the people i'm surrounded by.
i'm never good enough nor will i ever be. I can't grasp onto why they
are even here. I carry the burden of causing the drama in my family
house. Do you even know how it feels to fight for the closure of your
mother.. to suck up in a way that you grind your teeth when things
don't go as planned and you hope that somewhere down the line you'll be
appreciated. I always thought i looked out for those around me but
apparently its just the opposite. I can barely go through my day
without feelings the emotional run down of everyday life. living in a
fasad of lies. At home i am required to act a certain way around school
i'm supposed to.. i've lost track of who i even am. I lost myself along
the way to trying to reach perfection. I made wrong turn and landed
myself at the edge of failure. I can't stand looking in the mirror and
seeing my true colors.. seeing beneath the skinng knowing the truth
about what goes on through my head. I used to envy those who knew the
truth about things.. but now i'd do everything to live a life with my
eyes closed. i'd rather act like everything is okay when in reality
everythings falling apart around me.. life would just be soo much
easier..