(no subject)
HOLY EFFING EFF BALLS
so i have finally, after more than ten years, confronted my step-mother and father about the abuse from my childhood. i am terrified and excitied all at once...i really want to think this will go well. (they invited me to stay with them for a week or so for the clagary stampede and a camping trip to banff/lake louise)
"Secondly and way more importantly, before you read that book (a child called it by David Pelzer) please let me just give a quick explanation as to why I feel it is so pertinent for you both to read it. I am not sure how obvious it is, but I feel like before there can be real growth in a therapeutic relationship between us as family or even just as individuals there has to be open dialogue about what has happened in our past. I have been putting it off all these years simply because I did not yet possess the appropriate tools to embark on that specific healing process. As it stands now I see great potential for our relationship as adults, however I fear a perpetual paradigm of awkward unease (on my part anyways) if I allow myself to ignore what I have been desperate to discuss with you all these years. However please let me assure you that I (hopefully obviously) carry no animosity towards you or the situation. Clearly it is unfortunate however I have come to view the situational experience as a real functional strength. I think the hardest part for me was trying to understand and alleviate the residual effects. Luckily I have spent the last year in a course dealing almost exclusively with these issues, and surprised as I was to discover, so had most everyone else in the class. I was extremely thankful that my life has unfolded in such a way that everything kind of coincided with each other. I feel there was some sort of cosmic intervention in my path to recovery and discovery. I also feel like maybe someday you may want to share with me your perspective of the entire situation. I have come to appreciate that it had very little to do with you or me personally and way more to do with your past and the point on the life continuum we were all at, at that time. I think the main reason I suggested you read this book is solely for the purpose that when I read it I was brought back to that time and place and identified strongly with young David’s perspective on the matter. I rarely have a difficult time expressing myself; however in this matter I become choked at the mere mention. I am not sure what I expect to come of this request I have bequeath unto you but ever since I began this course I knew I would need to one day flush this skeleton out of our closet. I reiterate that I harbor no ill feelings and wish not to imply any accusations or chastisement…I am simply learning to be true to myself and really feel like to enter into the healing phase of our relationship it is the opportune avenue to pursue. I will not sugar coat this at all, it is a HUGE obstacle to confront, and I can guarantee you will not enjoy this read, it is challenging on many levels, but the emotional taxation you may experience is what I feel is the most important, well for me to share anyways…especially since I have harbored many reservations about the part you both seemed ready and willing to take in my/our new lives. It was after out conversation today that allowed me to open up to the sincerity of your request to facilitate a working relationship between us. Your repeated effort to include me in your lives has not gone unheeded, just wearily regarded. I truly hope this little venture into interpersonal communication between us is successful and I would love for you to be honest and open in your thoughts, feelings, needs ect. in this matter. I am always a phone call or emails away, so please do not hesitate, after all this is about US not just me!
Okay I think that is more than enough for one email :D Get back to me when/if you’re ready!
Xoxoxoxo Sarah
(thanks for this, even if it only ever goes as far as this email…it really means a lot that you have read this far!!!)"
so i have finally, after more than ten years, confronted my step-mother and father about the abuse from my childhood. i am terrified and excitied all at once...i really want to think this will go well. (they invited me to stay with them for a week or so for the clagary stampede and a camping trip to banff/lake louise)
"Secondly and way more importantly, before you read that book (a child called it by David Pelzer) please let me just give a quick explanation as to why I feel it is so pertinent for you both to read it. I am not sure how obvious it is, but I feel like before there can be real growth in a therapeutic relationship between us as family or even just as individuals there has to be open dialogue about what has happened in our past. I have been putting it off all these years simply because I did not yet possess the appropriate tools to embark on that specific healing process. As it stands now I see great potential for our relationship as adults, however I fear a perpetual paradigm of awkward unease (on my part anyways) if I allow myself to ignore what I have been desperate to discuss with you all these years. However please let me assure you that I (hopefully obviously) carry no animosity towards you or the situation. Clearly it is unfortunate however I have come to view the situational experience as a real functional strength. I think the hardest part for me was trying to understand and alleviate the residual effects. Luckily I have spent the last year in a course dealing almost exclusively with these issues, and surprised as I was to discover, so had most everyone else in the class. I was extremely thankful that my life has unfolded in such a way that everything kind of coincided with each other. I feel there was some sort of cosmic intervention in my path to recovery and discovery. I also feel like maybe someday you may want to share with me your perspective of the entire situation. I have come to appreciate that it had very little to do with you or me personally and way more to do with your past and the point on the life continuum we were all at, at that time. I think the main reason I suggested you read this book is solely for the purpose that when I read it I was brought back to that time and place and identified strongly with young David’s perspective on the matter. I rarely have a difficult time expressing myself; however in this matter I become choked at the mere mention. I am not sure what I expect to come of this request I have bequeath unto you but ever since I began this course I knew I would need to one day flush this skeleton out of our closet. I reiterate that I harbor no ill feelings and wish not to imply any accusations or chastisement…I am simply learning to be true to myself and really feel like to enter into the healing phase of our relationship it is the opportune avenue to pursue. I will not sugar coat this at all, it is a HUGE obstacle to confront, and I can guarantee you will not enjoy this read, it is challenging on many levels, but the emotional taxation you may experience is what I feel is the most important, well for me to share anyways…especially since I have harbored many reservations about the part you both seemed ready and willing to take in my/our new lives. It was after out conversation today that allowed me to open up to the sincerity of your request to facilitate a working relationship between us. Your repeated effort to include me in your lives has not gone unheeded, just wearily regarded. I truly hope this little venture into interpersonal communication between us is successful and I would love for you to be honest and open in your thoughts, feelings, needs ect. in this matter. I am always a phone call or emails away, so please do not hesitate, after all this is about US not just me!
Okay I think that is more than enough for one email :D Get back to me when/if you’re ready!
Xoxoxoxo Sarah
(thanks for this, even if it only ever goes as far as this email…it really means a lot that you have read this far!!!)"