Because I promised myself....
Two hours before missed it.....
I almost didn't post, but I must, I have a need, I crave it. There's so much I can talk about, and so much I shy away from as the topics surface in my mind. So I'll stick to the basics, the concerns that plague me now and daily.
My health. I'm scared. I've never been very smart about taking care of myself, and now as I'm about to enter my 30's, the wear and tear is becoming evident. I've never gone to the doctor about my feminine problems, I always figured they'd work themselves out. Assumed that my body would just heal itself. Well, now it's been over a year since I had a cycle, so I went to the doctor. Prompted mainly by pain, but I had serious concerns about what, or actually wasn't going on with my body. I expected to be told a plethera of possibilities given my list of symptoms, but I wasn't. The Dr.'s main concern....only mentioned concern...was endometrial cancer. So she put me on a hormone to try to kick start my period, which to date has only exacerbated my suffering both physically and emotionally. I had a sono done, and I'll find out what was seen on the 13th. In the meantime, I wait. Try not to dwell on it.
I think that's all I want to say for now. For some reason, the subject matter that is coming to mind are only topics I wish to suppress as much as possible, because I don't feel like crying right now, or feeling the hurt these things threaten. One day, soon, I'll pick one from the mist they float in and let it out to manifest on the page, to finally get out of me and rest somewhere in a form other than a spike lodged in my heart. One day. Just not this one.