Hear Ye, Hear Ye
Why, why, why?
I'm beginning this entry with the intention of creating a comprehensive, intelligent listing of what I consider poor behavior among fellow bloogers / LJ users. But the more I think about it, the more these things annoy me. So I will unleash my worst upon you!
- I see so many people who post song lyrics in their journals. This baffles me. How did somebody learn that I wanted to know the lyrics to a "Tears for Fears" song?!?!?!? Is it possible that aliens abducted me? And implanted a microchip in my neck? And now some earthling has learned to intercept my thoughts through that microchip?
That must be how they found out I wanted to see these startling lyrics! Or... maybe I didn't want to read lyrics! Can it be?!?!?!? Maybe I'm not interested in "Tears for Fears", and could care less how envious you are of their song-writing skills. Lets assume for some reason I did, in fact, want to know lyrics to a particular song. Can you guess what I'd do? *Ding, Ding* We have a winner!!! Yes, I'd look it up on the internet. Dipshit.
- I was combing through my email the other day and I came across this fascinating letter:
D00d, like, what r u doing tenite? LOL I r33d ur jurnal and ur teh best! LOL I liek how u make fun of pplz. LOL, sirius, LOL ur LJ rulzzz!!!!!11
I hope this dumb bitch was paying me a compliment, because I can't read a fucking word she's saying. Look, I know there are kids on the internet. But this came from a 14 year old girl! I don't know what kind of "skool" this hoochie attended, but I knew how to spell "serious" when I was about, oh...9. Also, shit-can your ebonics talk. I grew up in an country who's official language is something called English. I'm sorry if your little sub-culture decided the word "niggers" wasn't annoying enough, and thought "yo, niggaz wit bling bling" made more sense. It doesn't. Oh...and just for the record, "my" is only two letters, thus easier to type than "muh". I really hope that there are no such things as extraterrestrials, because if they intercepted half our emails, we'd be considered a primitive race and exterminated with alien laser beams or some shit. I just hope they start with you d00dz.
- Could you possibly label the hyperlinks on your journal in a logical way, so that an outsider (such as myself, once upon a time) can tell where these hyperlinks take me? I'm sure that making all the hyperlinks on your page spell out to say "I want to fade into you" is hip, and cool; and I tremble at how often such ingenuity must get you laid. But the truth is, I can't tell which of these links takes me to your friends page, etc. The other truth is that you don't get laid. Yes, I know your secret! It's safe with me. Now go cry, bitch.
......
Well, folks, I hope you enjoyed this installment of "Why I Hate Most of You." Next time, I'll recount a terrifying accident from my younger years, when a drunken neighbor inadvertently nailed my dick to a tree. I'll also reveal how this was less painful than listening to some of you whine.
I'm beginning this entry with the intention of creating a comprehensive, intelligent listing of what I consider poor behavior among fellow bloogers / LJ users. But the more I think about it, the more these things annoy me. So I will unleash my worst upon you!
- I see so many people who post song lyrics in their journals. This baffles me. How did somebody learn that I wanted to know the lyrics to a "Tears for Fears" song?!?!?!? Is it possible that aliens abducted me? And implanted a microchip in my neck? And now some earthling has learned to intercept my thoughts through that microchip?
That must be how they found out I wanted to see these startling lyrics! Or... maybe I didn't want to read lyrics! Can it be?!?!?!? Maybe I'm not interested in "Tears for Fears", and could care less how envious you are of their song-writing skills. Lets assume for some reason I did, in fact, want to know lyrics to a particular song. Can you guess what I'd do? *Ding, Ding* We have a winner!!! Yes, I'd look it up on the internet. Dipshit.
- I was combing through my email the other day and I came across this fascinating letter:
D00d, like, what r u doing tenite? LOL I r33d ur jurnal and ur teh best! LOL I liek how u make fun of pplz. LOL, sirius, LOL ur LJ rulzzz!!!!!11
I hope this dumb bitch was paying me a compliment, because I can't read a fucking word she's saying. Look, I know there are kids on the internet. But this came from a 14 year old girl! I don't know what kind of "skool" this hoochie attended, but I knew how to spell "serious" when I was about, oh...9. Also, shit-can your ebonics talk. I grew up in an country who's official language is something called English. I'm sorry if your little sub-culture decided the word "niggers" wasn't annoying enough, and thought "yo, niggaz wit bling bling" made more sense. It doesn't. Oh...and just for the record, "my" is only two letters, thus easier to type than "muh". I really hope that there are no such things as extraterrestrials, because if they intercepted half our emails, we'd be considered a primitive race and exterminated with alien laser beams or some shit. I just hope they start with you d00dz.
- Could you possibly label the hyperlinks on your journal in a logical way, so that an outsider (such as myself, once upon a time) can tell where these hyperlinks take me? I'm sure that making all the hyperlinks on your page spell out to say "I want to fade into you" is hip, and cool; and I tremble at how often such ingenuity must get you laid. But the truth is, I can't tell which of these links takes me to your friends page, etc. The other truth is that you don't get laid. Yes, I know your secret! It's safe with me. Now go cry, bitch.
......
Well, folks, I hope you enjoyed this installment of "Why I Hate Most of You." Next time, I'll recount a terrifying accident from my younger years, when a drunken neighbor inadvertently nailed my dick to a tree. I'll also reveal how this was less painful than listening to some of you whine.