May he rest in peace....
I received a letter....yes, a letter from Promethio today. As some of you may recall Promethio is...or rather; was the commander of the 4th Beef Brigade. Though his last mission failed, he was a loyal and dutiful cow. I am sad to see him go.
......
Supreme and Exalted Sir-
All my short life (long for us cattle, short compared to your dominant species), I have struggled endlessly for the greater good you promised cattle everywhere. You, sir; were my whole life.
If you are reading this now, it means I have departed to the great beyond; the pastures of heaven where the grass is always greener on my side of the fence. When I learned that my conduct in our last mission displeased you, I realized that if I cannot please the man who ensures our salvation, I have nothing left to give this lifetime. This includes milk. You gave me a purpose, sir. But alas....I can no longer serve you adequately. The 4th Beef Brigade has been dissolved. Without my leadership, they have surrendered themselves to McDonalds. When they saw adds for the infamous fast food chain claiming "40 billion served"; the despaired, and realized they had no hope of surviving the hamburger holocaust.
Goodbye cruel world, may the afterlife teats (I mean treats) me well.
Your loving and devoted minion (not mignon),
- Promethio
......
Supreme and Exalted Sir-
All my short life (long for us cattle, short compared to your dominant species), I have struggled endlessly for the greater good you promised cattle everywhere. You, sir; were my whole life.
If you are reading this now, it means I have departed to the great beyond; the pastures of heaven where the grass is always greener on my side of the fence. When I learned that my conduct in our last mission displeased you, I realized that if I cannot please the man who ensures our salvation, I have nothing left to give this lifetime. This includes milk. You gave me a purpose, sir. But alas....I can no longer serve you adequately. The 4th Beef Brigade has been dissolved. Without my leadership, they have surrendered themselves to McDonalds. When they saw adds for the infamous fast food chain claiming "40 billion served"; the despaired, and realized they had no hope of surviving the hamburger holocaust.
Goodbye cruel world, may the afterlife teats (I mean treats) me well.
Your loving and devoted minion (not mignon),
- Promethio