Vices
Wait.
Perhaps you should all sit down for this. Are you seated?
Well?
Good. I have to tell you something.
I have vices. I really do! The entire collection of "Miami Vice" on DVD!!! One episode would be one vice, but I have several! Thus vices! Plural! Hee hee.
No, seriously, I am afflicted by a plethora of bad habits. Well, it's not serious, but it could be. Either way, I am compelled to battle them. Interested? Well, pretend you are, and read on!
......
I have officially switched cigarettes. I used to smoke Marlboros. Yup. Regular old, red and white boxed, cowboy killers. Well, here's the deal. I still smoke Marlboros, but I switched over to menthols. Simply because the green and white box looks so much prettier!
Actually, I had a much more sensible reason. Basically, plain Marlboros have a wretched smell to them. It's funny that that I'm finally doing something about it, since I've smoked the same thing for almost 10 years. The truth is, it's always bothered me, just even more so recently.
Try it! If you know somebody who smokes plain Marlboros, ask for one and take a long sniff. You don't even have to light it. They smell horrible! And just imagine, that's the tobacco alone. Try inhaling on those all day, and see what your breath smells like. I can't even fathom how I've dated in the last 9 years, since I can't imagine anybody wanting to kiss a mouth that sucked on such a stink stick. I was vehemently opposed to smoking in my apartment, simply because of the smell these would generate. I was assured it would be okay if I smoked cloves, which actually smell good. So yes, I finally had enough and switched to menthols. Much better as far as odors go. And no, this doesn't mean I'm going to smoke in my place now.
Eventually, however, I need to quit entirely. I quit for about 3-4 months awhile back. The problem back then is that I didn't want to quit. Somebody else wanted me to. And, according to the medical community, you have to want to quit in order to be successful. The good news is that I do, at times, want to quit, simply for the benefit of my own health. The problem is that I genuinely enjoy the act of smoking. I find it relaxing to inhale and exhale smoke. So....I'm not sure where this leaves me. The addiction to nicotine matters little. I've overcame that before, and can again easily enough. It's the pleasure of the physical act that I have to put behind me. A fair compromise would be to kick cigarettes completely, but smoke a cigar occasionally, as I do now, only on top of regular cigarettes. *Sigh*
The odd thing about quitting is that the forces of big business are allied against you. We've all heard how Philip Morris and cronies have intentionally targeted kids, and have lied about the addictive nature of their tobacco. Sure, we could dispute this stuff all day. But what we cannot dispute is that products designed to help us quit, like Nicorette; are more expensive than cigarettes themselves! And I must say, there's little that amuses me more than seeing Newports, Camels and their kin on a shelf, open to all, while Nicorette is locked in a glass case nearby. Yes, I have seen this.
Someday, Nate...someday.
......
I received yet another telegram from Promethio, the commander of the 4th Beef Brigade. The Beef Brigades are the forces of various cattle that have aligned behind me, who pledge eternal commitment to myself and my will. I have made them armbands embroidered with "BB", reminiscent of Nazi Germany's SS. They will march forward under my banner, crushing all who oppose me under their hooves of destruction! We will, we will....oh...yes. The telegram.
I sent this particular brigade of future Big Macs to the distant plains of South Dakota. They are, perhaps, my best. Their mission? To aggravate, assail, and further annoy Miss Lisa Monique. A dangerous mission, indeed. And I for one, am furious with their lack of performance. See for yourself!
SHE IS GONE STOP WE TRIED TO FOLLOW BUT A FENCE WAS IN OUR WAY STOP WE COULD NOT PASS STOP WE ARE ONLY COWS STOP SHE SPOTTED US STOP WE WERE ALREADY SPOTTED STOP HA HA STOP YOU MAY THINK WE FAILED BUT SURELY YOU SEE THIS IN TERMS OF BLACK AND WHITE STOP YOUR GIVING (ESPECIALLY MILK) SERVANT STOP PROMETHIO
I will not tolerate this! This is disloyalty at it's best, if I do say so myself. And just for the record, I do!!
Perhaps you should all sit down for this. Are you seated?
Well?
Good. I have to tell you something.
I have vices. I really do! The entire collection of "Miami Vice" on DVD!!! One episode would be one vice, but I have several! Thus vices! Plural! Hee hee.
No, seriously, I am afflicted by a plethora of bad habits. Well, it's not serious, but it could be. Either way, I am compelled to battle them. Interested? Well, pretend you are, and read on!
......
I have officially switched cigarettes. I used to smoke Marlboros. Yup. Regular old, red and white boxed, cowboy killers. Well, here's the deal. I still smoke Marlboros, but I switched over to menthols. Simply because the green and white box looks so much prettier!
Actually, I had a much more sensible reason. Basically, plain Marlboros have a wretched smell to them. It's funny that that I'm finally doing something about it, since I've smoked the same thing for almost 10 years. The truth is, it's always bothered me, just even more so recently.
Try it! If you know somebody who smokes plain Marlboros, ask for one and take a long sniff. You don't even have to light it. They smell horrible! And just imagine, that's the tobacco alone. Try inhaling on those all day, and see what your breath smells like. I can't even fathom how I've dated in the last 9 years, since I can't imagine anybody wanting to kiss a mouth that sucked on such a stink stick. I was vehemently opposed to smoking in my apartment, simply because of the smell these would generate. I was assured it would be okay if I smoked cloves, which actually smell good. So yes, I finally had enough and switched to menthols. Much better as far as odors go. And no, this doesn't mean I'm going to smoke in my place now.
Eventually, however, I need to quit entirely. I quit for about 3-4 months awhile back. The problem back then is that I didn't want to quit. Somebody else wanted me to. And, according to the medical community, you have to want to quit in order to be successful. The good news is that I do, at times, want to quit, simply for the benefit of my own health. The problem is that I genuinely enjoy the act of smoking. I find it relaxing to inhale and exhale smoke. So....I'm not sure where this leaves me. The addiction to nicotine matters little. I've overcame that before, and can again easily enough. It's the pleasure of the physical act that I have to put behind me. A fair compromise would be to kick cigarettes completely, but smoke a cigar occasionally, as I do now, only on top of regular cigarettes. *Sigh*
The odd thing about quitting is that the forces of big business are allied against you. We've all heard how Philip Morris and cronies have intentionally targeted kids, and have lied about the addictive nature of their tobacco. Sure, we could dispute this stuff all day. But what we cannot dispute is that products designed to help us quit, like Nicorette; are more expensive than cigarettes themselves! And I must say, there's little that amuses me more than seeing Newports, Camels and their kin on a shelf, open to all, while Nicorette is locked in a glass case nearby. Yes, I have seen this.
Someday, Nate...someday.
......
I received yet another telegram from Promethio, the commander of the 4th Beef Brigade. The Beef Brigades are the forces of various cattle that have aligned behind me, who pledge eternal commitment to myself and my will. I have made them armbands embroidered with "BB", reminiscent of Nazi Germany's SS. They will march forward under my banner, crushing all who oppose me under their hooves of destruction! We will, we will....oh...yes. The telegram.
I sent this particular brigade of future Big Macs to the distant plains of South Dakota. They are, perhaps, my best. Their mission? To aggravate, assail, and further annoy Miss Lisa Monique. A dangerous mission, indeed. And I for one, am furious with their lack of performance. See for yourself!
SHE IS GONE STOP WE TRIED TO FOLLOW BUT A FENCE WAS IN OUR WAY STOP WE COULD NOT PASS STOP WE ARE ONLY COWS STOP SHE SPOTTED US STOP WE WERE ALREADY SPOTTED STOP HA HA STOP YOU MAY THINK WE FAILED BUT SURELY YOU SEE THIS IN TERMS OF BLACK AND WHITE STOP YOUR GIVING (ESPECIALLY MILK) SERVANT STOP PROMETHIO
I will not tolerate this! This is disloyalty at it's best, if I do say so myself. And just for the record, I do!!