Hollow Doubt

[razed_in_silver]

I'm fading into something. I feel bland and slightly numbed. I don't really know where it's coming from, maybe I am just feeling so much that if my body actually let me feel I wouldn't be able to handle it... So I'm constantly being emotionally numbed. It's like the book that I just read; A Wrinkle In Time. How IT was the center of everything and the closer you got to IT the more you could feel IT's grasp on your lungs and heart beat making it go at the exactly perfectly rhythmical beat... Making you exactly perfectly generic. How IT enters you and takes a hold on your mind and every single thing you do and say, until you are so far inside that you could never leave without someone there who is able to love you. The only thing you have that IT doesn't have is love.

Maybe you ought to read it, it's a pretty alright book. Short and sweet.

I was very disappointed that I missed the deadline for SSW considering that I was looking forward to it so much... but who didn't expect that one coming?

I signed up for some financial programs today so that I can take care of my college shit. Everything seems pretty set up, I just need to do some apartment searching... I sorta like it there even if you don't want me there... Maybe I'm just worried that everything will remind me of you. It's so hard already to be reminded of you but I'm really really not going to base this decision off of my fear. If I keep doing that I'm just going to sink even further into my failure then I already have.