a new me...
wow... so i totally abandoned the whole LJ scene i really find it pointless, and if asked i totally will deny ever going to any LJ to ready what people have written. Im a myspace whore... and i am ok with that ... :)but ya so im updating at the request of my dearest friend melissa.My potato!
i was looking back at all of my entries from over a year ago and wow, i am shocked how much i have forgotten in a year, my fear of moving, my fear of loosing my friends, my fear or dying through out my junior year. And i realized how much i have changed as a person. im not the same person who wrote those entries, i mean kinda but not really. Things have changed in my life and have caused me to change... but i think if everyone looked back on their past year they would think the same thing.
so the year 2005 was amazing, i moved out to buttfuck nowhere, but i truly have enjoyed it out there. its quiet and i can go out on my back porch and i can look at the stars or lay on my roof and just enjoy the moment its nice. and it has grown on me. well i have made friends, lost friends, fell inlove, was heartbroken, cried my eyes out, laughed to the point where i wanted to pee my pants, and made memories i will never forget. Dance is still a major part of my life and i think the most memorable moment to this day is still when nate came down and surprised me at my dance concert and to go to prom. it was great. That boy has been through so much with me, he listens to me and even tho wehave had really hard times and there were times i wanted to run him over with his truck i know that he is still there for me and i can call him any time and he will listen. plus to hear him laugh and hearing his voice calms me. He is someone who truly understands me inside and out, and thats why i need him in my life.im trying to think of everything that has happened. but i can there is so much and most of the stuff are those moments that come to you at random times of the day and just make your week because for that moment, that memory brings back so many great things. i think the most important thing that happened to me this past year what that i learned who my real friends are and who will truly be there for me. who when i am at my absolute worst will just hold me in their arms and let me cry my eyes out. i have found my family within my friends, and i know which ones really love me for me. all my weird ways and random thoughts, weird positions i get my self into, and funny faces i cant help but make. there is one person that comes to mind when i think of this. He has always been there for me. and even tho we dont see each other everyday i know hes there and that he loves me, every little aspect about me.. and when i think about it i love him too. hes some one that just makes me happy to be the person i am. and thats a good feeling to have to be happy with yourself and who you are. i dont think alot of people have that, they might think they do but they dont atleast i dont think so. ok so back on topic.
things are good for me right now. im a little scared tho because im a senior.. and in 4 months EVERYTHING will be changing, i dont know where im going to go what i want to do. and that scares me for the longest time i thought i had EVERYTHING figured out. everything i would ever need but now that it comes down to it i dont know if i am strong enough to leave everything that is me. if i leave im starting all over, it going to all be brand new. everything will change and i must admit thinking about it makes me cry and i get a HUGE knot in my stomache and it bothers me. apart of me wants to just stay here go to asu but apart of me wants to get out of arizona, go to california and have the beach. i just dont know these next few months are going to be filled with MAJOR choices. i just wish it was easier.
so yes on the topic of boys... as mrs. buren puts it i have a "flavor of the week" i dont think i change boys THAT much but ya .. i dont kno... i guess i do. but ya at the beginnning of this year i met and amazing guy,were still just friends. but he really makes me a happy person. like i love his nerdy ways well maybe not nerdy but ya you get the point. hes just a really good guy and thats the raw truth. hes some one i can open up to and be honest with and feel comfortable around and i havent had that feeling in a long time. its nice. i just dont want to mess anything up with him, i value him too much, i value his friendship too much, i value him being there to much. hes not one of those cocky full of themselves guys that im REALLY used to. hes real and i like that about him. plus he has made me adore the sport of lacrosse so if you have never been to a game before i highly recomend it .. VERY FUN :) but yess so this year has been good so far ...im a little confused at times not knowing what to do with myself but for the most part im ok which is good.
and i cant believe im writing in a live journal again.. so not me. but ya :-\ oh well. hope you enjoyed it.*cough* MELISSA *cough*
i was looking back at all of my entries from over a year ago and wow, i am shocked how much i have forgotten in a year, my fear of moving, my fear of loosing my friends, my fear or dying through out my junior year. And i realized how much i have changed as a person. im not the same person who wrote those entries, i mean kinda but not really. Things have changed in my life and have caused me to change... but i think if everyone looked back on their past year they would think the same thing.
so the year 2005 was amazing, i moved out to buttfuck nowhere, but i truly have enjoyed it out there. its quiet and i can go out on my back porch and i can look at the stars or lay on my roof and just enjoy the moment its nice. and it has grown on me. well i have made friends, lost friends, fell inlove, was heartbroken, cried my eyes out, laughed to the point where i wanted to pee my pants, and made memories i will never forget. Dance is still a major part of my life and i think the most memorable moment to this day is still when nate came down and surprised me at my dance concert and to go to prom. it was great. That boy has been through so much with me, he listens to me and even tho wehave had really hard times and there were times i wanted to run him over with his truck i know that he is still there for me and i can call him any time and he will listen. plus to hear him laugh and hearing his voice calms me. He is someone who truly understands me inside and out, and thats why i need him in my life.im trying to think of everything that has happened. but i can there is so much and most of the stuff are those moments that come to you at random times of the day and just make your week because for that moment, that memory brings back so many great things. i think the most important thing that happened to me this past year what that i learned who my real friends are and who will truly be there for me. who when i am at my absolute worst will just hold me in their arms and let me cry my eyes out. i have found my family within my friends, and i know which ones really love me for me. all my weird ways and random thoughts, weird positions i get my self into, and funny faces i cant help but make. there is one person that comes to mind when i think of this. He has always been there for me. and even tho we dont see each other everyday i know hes there and that he loves me, every little aspect about me.. and when i think about it i love him too. hes some one that just makes me happy to be the person i am. and thats a good feeling to have to be happy with yourself and who you are. i dont think alot of people have that, they might think they do but they dont atleast i dont think so. ok so back on topic.
things are good for me right now. im a little scared tho because im a senior.. and in 4 months EVERYTHING will be changing, i dont know where im going to go what i want to do. and that scares me for the longest time i thought i had EVERYTHING figured out. everything i would ever need but now that it comes down to it i dont know if i am strong enough to leave everything that is me. if i leave im starting all over, it going to all be brand new. everything will change and i must admit thinking about it makes me cry and i get a HUGE knot in my stomache and it bothers me. apart of me wants to just stay here go to asu but apart of me wants to get out of arizona, go to california and have the beach. i just dont know these next few months are going to be filled with MAJOR choices. i just wish it was easier.
so yes on the topic of boys... as mrs. buren puts it i have a "flavor of the week" i dont think i change boys THAT much but ya .. i dont kno... i guess i do. but ya at the beginnning of this year i met and amazing guy,were still just friends. but he really makes me a happy person. like i love his nerdy ways well maybe not nerdy but ya you get the point. hes just a really good guy and thats the raw truth. hes some one i can open up to and be honest with and feel comfortable around and i havent had that feeling in a long time. its nice. i just dont want to mess anything up with him, i value him too much, i value his friendship too much, i value him being there to much. hes not one of those cocky full of themselves guys that im REALLY used to. hes real and i like that about him. plus he has made me adore the sport of lacrosse so if you have never been to a game before i highly recomend it .. VERY FUN :) but yess so this year has been good so far ...im a little confused at times not knowing what to do with myself but for the most part im ok which is good.
and i cant believe im writing in a live journal again.. so not me. but ya :-\ oh well. hope you enjoyed it.*cough* MELISSA *cough*