The emotional world of nursing
This week marked the beginning of my Acute Care class. I have 12 hour clinicals on Thursdays and Fridays (from 7AM-7PM). It's so physically and emotionally exhausting. On my first day I arrived hoping to see a "code" (a code blue or medical emergency) because they sounded so exciting and I wanted to see how healthcare professionals actually handle an emergency. After a few hours of clinical had passed we were suddenly gathered up by our instructor and rushed over to another ICU unit because some 25 year old male was being rushed up from the ER and was not expected to make it.
Nurses were running everywhere getting an empty room prepped for this guy to arrive. I then learned that the guy had been mowing the grass at a golf course next to a pond and had fallen in and was pinned by the mower underwater for who knows how long. I heard "lawnmower" and immediately pictured severed body parts or horrible gashes, but when they finally came rushing in with the guy he didn't appear to have a mark on his body. I could distinctly smell the odor of pond water whenever people ran in and out. They quickly transfered him to the bed and immediately his heart EKG began to do all the bad rhythms I had just learned a couple of days before in lecture. It was cool seeing him go into Ventricular tachycardia, and ventricular fibrillation, and then asystole and actually be able to identify the rhythms and try to quickly remember what interventions and cardiac meds they should give for each, but of course it was really scary to see it happen in real life. Once he hit systole (nearly flatline) they called a code and more people came running in (I think there were at least 15 people crammed into this tiny room) and one person did CPR, while several nurses started prepping all of these heart meds while some pharmacist watched, another nurse got the paddles ready to defibrillate the guy, while the docs were injecting him with stuff, and still other people like med students were getting central catheters ready to stab through his subclavian vein to his heart. It was insane. The whole time my clinical group and I just couldn't believe what we were seeing. This kid was OUR age and he had his whole life before him, but now he would probably never wake up. Then we couldn't stop thinking about his family and friends. Plus we found out that he has a fiancee. It was too disturbing and so fucking heartbreaking.
The following day (this morning) I showed up to clinical and had just missed the 25 year old's family and doctors who had just had a meeting in our clinical room. I guess when they came out of the room, the doctors were crying!!! The guy was not going to make it. He was in multi organ failure with permanent brain damage from the lack of oxygen from the 7 or so minutes he was trapped under water. For the rest of the day I saw a growing number of 20 something year olds standing out in the halls. (the guys friends) Some carried rosaries. They all stood around looking so numb. I couldn't even look them in the face when I'd walk by.
I can't stop thinking about how mortal we all are and how not in control we are of our lives in the grand scheme of things. It seems so unfair for this guy to die when over in my ICU unit there's some sketchy drug dealer in bed 4 who, after being tipped off to the cops last night, decided it was a good idea to ingest ALL of his cocaine and other drugs and try to run away (he also stuffed xanax up his butt) and yet even after coding 4 times in the night, he's totally fine and gets to live. (Also need to mention that he's a sex offender).
This week I also attended a Cancer support group for a project (for my past Med-Surg class) and totally started crying when this woman with breast cancer, who was new to the group, shared that she was a victim of incest growing up, and that she's a lesbian, and that she can't understand what she did wrong to get cancer. She cried and clutched onto a teddy bear while she spoke and holy craaap I really tried to fight back my tears, but it was useless.
I dun really know where i was going with this... I'm tiiiiired.
I hope that maybe I could be an ICU nurse. The amount of skill and knowledge needed kind of intimidates me (not to mention the highly emotional situations that can pop up), but it seems like a job I'd never tire of. They say that in ICU nursing, you know you are no longer fit for the job if you stop crying from the situations you see. Well I guess i'd be covered there because I am the biggest cry baby ever. hah
Nurses were running everywhere getting an empty room prepped for this guy to arrive. I then learned that the guy had been mowing the grass at a golf course next to a pond and had fallen in and was pinned by the mower underwater for who knows how long. I heard "lawnmower" and immediately pictured severed body parts or horrible gashes, but when they finally came rushing in with the guy he didn't appear to have a mark on his body. I could distinctly smell the odor of pond water whenever people ran in and out. They quickly transfered him to the bed and immediately his heart EKG began to do all the bad rhythms I had just learned a couple of days before in lecture. It was cool seeing him go into Ventricular tachycardia, and ventricular fibrillation, and then asystole and actually be able to identify the rhythms and try to quickly remember what interventions and cardiac meds they should give for each, but of course it was really scary to see it happen in real life. Once he hit systole (nearly flatline) they called a code and more people came running in (I think there were at least 15 people crammed into this tiny room) and one person did CPR, while several nurses started prepping all of these heart meds while some pharmacist watched, another nurse got the paddles ready to defibrillate the guy, while the docs were injecting him with stuff, and still other people like med students were getting central catheters ready to stab through his subclavian vein to his heart. It was insane. The whole time my clinical group and I just couldn't believe what we were seeing. This kid was OUR age and he had his whole life before him, but now he would probably never wake up. Then we couldn't stop thinking about his family and friends. Plus we found out that he has a fiancee. It was too disturbing and so fucking heartbreaking.
The following day (this morning) I showed up to clinical and had just missed the 25 year old's family and doctors who had just had a meeting in our clinical room. I guess when they came out of the room, the doctors were crying!!! The guy was not going to make it. He was in multi organ failure with permanent brain damage from the lack of oxygen from the 7 or so minutes he was trapped under water. For the rest of the day I saw a growing number of 20 something year olds standing out in the halls. (the guys friends) Some carried rosaries. They all stood around looking so numb. I couldn't even look them in the face when I'd walk by.
I can't stop thinking about how mortal we all are and how not in control we are of our lives in the grand scheme of things. It seems so unfair for this guy to die when over in my ICU unit there's some sketchy drug dealer in bed 4 who, after being tipped off to the cops last night, decided it was a good idea to ingest ALL of his cocaine and other drugs and try to run away (he also stuffed xanax up his butt) and yet even after coding 4 times in the night, he's totally fine and gets to live. (Also need to mention that he's a sex offender).
This week I also attended a Cancer support group for a project (for my past Med-Surg class) and totally started crying when this woman with breast cancer, who was new to the group, shared that she was a victim of incest growing up, and that she's a lesbian, and that she can't understand what she did wrong to get cancer. She cried and clutched onto a teddy bear while she spoke and holy craaap I really tried to fight back my tears, but it was useless.
I dun really know where i was going with this... I'm tiiiiired.
I hope that maybe I could be an ICU nurse. The amount of skill and knowledge needed kind of intimidates me (not to mention the highly emotional situations that can pop up), but it seems like a job I'd never tire of. They say that in ICU nursing, you know you are no longer fit for the job if you stop crying from the situations you see. Well I guess i'd be covered there because I am the biggest cry baby ever. hah