(no subject)
"Wow i had an amazing day and it was wonderful nothing bad happened" and cut! well thats the movie story version of it. and i dont deny that the day was ok the songs are coming along and we finaly got a drummer who'll be staying but it doesnt make up for the fact that even though nothing bad happened it doesnt mean anything good happened either. dylan and i said mabe 15 words to each other all day (10-4! 6 hours! i talk more to my cat in that amount of time!) and we never touched not once all day. actualy our fingers might have brushed mabe when he handed me a pen but that was it and im not shure it happened it was prolly a mirage. omg who am i kiding the intro to this post sounds like i dont care that much and everythings ok but that doesnt cover the fact that im totaly unstable. I SMOKED -3- CIGARETTES TODAY. and for anyone who doesnt kno me, i only smoke when im super deppressed or ready to kill someone. so this must mean im 3x more deppressed than usual. and im busy burying a body, a or soon will be. ("my teen angst has a body count" - thats the name of some cd i cant remember) but oh well. god! and u kno what he said when he saw me light the first one, get this:"wow" and i said "yah its been a shity week....."so he says "oh." what the hell is that ! is it not my understanding of the human race that usualy when someone says "oh yeah ive had a bad week" the person theyre saying it to says" oh tell me about it " or " go on spill it" or "oh god dude what happened?!" am i not right have you ever said that and had NO ONE ask whats wrong?its almost mandatory, and especialy if this is youre fucking girlfriend talking. seriously what the hell did i do? or not do? just tell me already and ill do my best to fix it ! in any way i can id try to make things right. but i cant attempt to set things straight if you wont talk to me, so please even if u yell just say something dont just continue to ignore me in the " oh well i guess youre here im gonna pretend youre not..." way. if ya dont like me anymore then just say it ok? be honest for for my sake, so i dont go insane? k? shit thats part of what id say if i had any balls metaphoricaly, of coure cause if i was i guy i wouldent be having this problem would i? fuckkkk oh well watever im sick of sounding pathetic even though i am its still not good for my self esteem; or well watevers left of it. but i pre pared a special piece just for this occasion: a poetic rant in symbolic song form, by your truely. moi. here goes.
Broken
Tell me what I've done to deserve this, someone, anyone, out there, anywhere with ears that listen. My dilemma grows each day. i'm losing hold on my constant counterpart. they drift away. i'm left alone to cling to nonexistent life. what was happiness now bitter loss, the echoed injury found only in the total death of hope.
that which gave me the joy now gives me pain, over and over again a thousand times for every once i see your silhouette. i wish for amnesty from agony. just seeing you makes me desire to kiss every broken illusion of myself from your memory and let you do the same for me. but it never lasts. and as you stray to different paths, i become cold so cold, and frozen tears slide down my face in well etched paths, and dreams like smoke dissipate, belatedly drifting past my face.
insubstantial and broken, broken a thousand times. too many more to count will come i know. time is the enemy of my aching soul. for with every day that i forget my wrenching wounds i also lose the memory of that enchantment i found in your existence twined with mine. and i lose myself in what could have been had i possessed the strength to hold nightmare vapor in my hands. but i cant.
i cant and i'm broken. a thousand pieces like sharp glass litter the floor of my mind’s eye. any step in any direction brings blinding pain to my unconscious consciousness and i wish for the black embrace the never ending kiss, the timeless caress.
broken, broken, broken. broken forever.........
oh well it was a sad attempt but hey i never could write songs. thats one of his talents. just like bieng amazing and making me want to kiss him every time he enters a room. shit this makes no sense, i was just mad at him now i love him totaly again? i give up until later,again. oh well - do widzenia kochany-s (bye love-s)
~anna~
Broken
Tell me what I've done to deserve this, someone, anyone, out there, anywhere with ears that listen. My dilemma grows each day. i'm losing hold on my constant counterpart. they drift away. i'm left alone to cling to nonexistent life. what was happiness now bitter loss, the echoed injury found only in the total death of hope.
that which gave me the joy now gives me pain, over and over again a thousand times for every once i see your silhouette. i wish for amnesty from agony. just seeing you makes me desire to kiss every broken illusion of myself from your memory and let you do the same for me. but it never lasts. and as you stray to different paths, i become cold so cold, and frozen tears slide down my face in well etched paths, and dreams like smoke dissipate, belatedly drifting past my face.
insubstantial and broken, broken a thousand times. too many more to count will come i know. time is the enemy of my aching soul. for with every day that i forget my wrenching wounds i also lose the memory of that enchantment i found in your existence twined with mine. and i lose myself in what could have been had i possessed the strength to hold nightmare vapor in my hands. but i cant.
i cant and i'm broken. a thousand pieces like sharp glass litter the floor of my mind’s eye. any step in any direction brings blinding pain to my unconscious consciousness and i wish for the black embrace the never ending kiss, the timeless caress.
broken, broken, broken. broken forever.........
oh well it was a sad attempt but hey i never could write songs. thats one of his talents. just like bieng amazing and making me want to kiss him every time he enters a room. shit this makes no sense, i was just mad at him now i love him totaly again? i give up until later,again. oh well - do widzenia kochany-s (bye love-s)
~anna~