ohhhhh Devin....
Can’t even believe how horribly things fell apart, and so quickly too. He called me last night. To tell me he’s out of jail… and that he was breaking up with me. He said he couldn’t handle, that I’m too far away. And I am so very very far away… but ya he said he’s done. I asked if it was forever done and he said no, maybe, it depends…. I don’t know if that should entitle me to hope, or depression. I’m so sad, so heartbroken. I haven’t stopped crying since he hung up, I cried in my sleep. It physically hurts. I put his t-shirt on. The grey volcom one. I thought it would help but it doesn’t. his smell has been gone for so long….. I already miss everything about him. All the things only girlfriends are allowed to do. But I knew even when I was there , I knew it was different and I tried sooo sooo sooo hard o make it the same. But were different now. I thought it would never really change or die, that this love finally would endure. But obviously judging by the tear-stained sheets … no
He wasn’t sure tho
At the end he quavered
He said “I have to go” in the smallest faintest most painful whisper imaginable.
So I’ll hope and pray that that whisper means theres a chance. But I can’t hope too much it would hurt too much if it didn’t work. He’s not even allowed to leave Colorado for a year now…. Cause of court and all those things… the car the bank… its so complicated. It used to be so simple and now its soooo complicated. And I kno this could very well be payback- u broke my heart now I’ll break yours, but I don’t think he would do that… but what do I kno right? I missed half a year, a dark depressed frenzy when he needed me most… do I even have the right to say I know him? I killed something beautiful and innocent when I left him… now I know what it feels like…
He wasn’t sure tho
At the end he quavered
He said “I have to go” in the smallest faintest most painful whisper imaginable.
So I’ll hope and pray that that whisper means theres a chance. But I can’t hope too much it would hurt too much if it didn’t work. He’s not even allowed to leave Colorado for a year now…. Cause of court and all those things… the car the bank… its so complicated. It used to be so simple and now its soooo complicated. And I kno this could very well be payback- u broke my heart now I’ll break yours, but I don’t think he would do that… but what do I kno right? I missed half a year, a dark depressed frenzy when he needed me most… do I even have the right to say I know him? I killed something beautiful and innocent when I left him… now I know what it feels like…