dear mom and dad....
I want to go out. Are nights out with my friends too much to ask? Where I’m just gone and that’s ok? And yes Devin counts as one of those friends. My best friend in fact. You weren’t the only ones who missed me while I was gone, he had it worse cause he thought he might never get to see me again. You guys know I’ll be back one way or another. Usually on time or close to it. He didn’t; so now any opportunity to hang out- any spare moment together -is a treasure. I don’t want to have to lie to get out of the house but I feel like I have to. It’s the only way to get out and breathe. Sometimes I feel smothered by this house. Everyone here complains about how they want to hang out with me and talk and do all these things but they never happen. I want to do the things kids do. I want to do the same things I do when I’m at MY house. Which aren’t that bad. And I’m still alive aren’t I? Everyone says how I’m so grown up now. And I am. How much I’ve got my shit together. How self-sufficient I am. I try to think of everything, of the big picture, but I cant all the time. I need to relax and not think for a while. I want to turn my brain off for a while. I need to or it may explode. I know you don’t completely trust me. I may not deserve it anyway, but you must take into consideration the fact that this behavior developed for some reason. I am an adult by most standards and therefore can take care of myself. I don’t need a curfew or a plan; I know u want to know what I’m doing and who with but cant it be enough that I CAN handle my own shit? I’m responsible enough not to do anything too stupid. I’m capable of existing outside the bubble. And ya’ll are so traditional or root bound or whatever you need to let me out. Or I may snap which would not be either beneficial or necessary. Please, I don’t want to have to do it this way but you won’t LET me go so I have to think up alternatives. Like just going. I don’t think a night out is unreasonable and guess what-the time I will be gone you’re not even up anyway. And if you are its cause you’re neurotically worrying and giving yourself ulcers over life. It’s going to happen how it happens it can’t be controlled no matter how many rules are in place. Accidents always happen and you can never know what tomarrow holds. I just want to make the most of today and tomorrow. I can make my own decisions now and I will take responsibility for anything that happens under my own jurisdiction. This is not a teenager rebellion it’s growing up. I can handle it and now I’m going out.
~Anna Red~
~Anna Red~