durango aftermath
im still so shocked.... i mean just totaly shocked. whatever i expected from josh; anger depression dissappointment sadness, watever, it wasnt forgiveness..... he forgave me! i just cant belive it, at the least i was sure that he'd never talk to me again. that hed storm away and rant and call me a soul-less bitch. that hed condem me to the world. i was so scared this morning when i woke up i actualy dreaded going to school. i guess i just felt so terrable about what might happen that i made myself a little sick. i never imagined that hed be so cool about it... like he didnt even care! like it was no big deal... i mean all courtney did was make out a little and that brought out gods own wrath from josh. and so then i guess i realized that i do care for josh and i was hoping so much that i hadnt totaly ruined it... but i also thought that i must have. so i was resigned to anything to whatever he was gonna dish out and i knew most of anything he could say i prolly deserved....
so when i saw him get off the bus this morning i just freaked a lil. i saw cera and ashley walking out back and i just didnt think i ran after them not expecting him to follow. i just needed a few minitues to collect myself. i was so nervous! and so when i heard his voice behind me i swear i missed a heartbeat... and then he slipped an arm around my waist asked how my weekend had been, it was all i could do not to just bolt. and so i steeled myself and began. something like this...
J: so how was your weekend?
A: ohok... well actualy not so great.... im feeling pretty... guilty....
J: huh why?
A: well i guess i wasnt thinking... realy i wasnt! and i well i cheated on you in durango....
J:........
A: realy bad, and im just so sorry and im such a slut and i just...... im just so sorry
J: no dont worry about it
A: what? i mean it was realy bad....
J: no i cant hate you for it. ur realy awsome and well
A: but josh you should hate me i wouldent blame you if you never talked to me again! you should be cursing me a whore right now i mean josh i realy screwed up!
J: no
A: but i am i mean i just i
J: no shushh
and from there it was so strange i keep telling him he should hate me that i deserved it that it was all me and so on and he just didnt care! he just held me and let me blubber and keep telling me i was cool. ....?.... and the rest of the day was just a little awkward. but i swear we touched more and talked more. but there was this opressive little cloud sometimes and im shure he was thinking about it no matter how much he told me it didnt matter..... anyway cera ur advice was really nice, i kinda needed to hear something like that. oieh till next time?
always here~aj~
so when i saw him get off the bus this morning i just freaked a lil. i saw cera and ashley walking out back and i just didnt think i ran after them not expecting him to follow. i just needed a few minitues to collect myself. i was so nervous! and so when i heard his voice behind me i swear i missed a heartbeat... and then he slipped an arm around my waist asked how my weekend had been, it was all i could do not to just bolt. and so i steeled myself and began. something like this...
J: so how was your weekend?
A: ohok... well actualy not so great.... im feeling pretty... guilty....
J: huh why?
A: well i guess i wasnt thinking... realy i wasnt! and i well i cheated on you in durango....
J:........
A: realy bad, and im just so sorry and im such a slut and i just...... im just so sorry
J: no dont worry about it
A: what? i mean it was realy bad....
J: no i cant hate you for it. ur realy awsome and well
A: but josh you should hate me i wouldent blame you if you never talked to me again! you should be cursing me a whore right now i mean josh i realy screwed up!
J: no
A: but i am i mean i just i
J: no shushh
and from there it was so strange i keep telling him he should hate me that i deserved it that it was all me and so on and he just didnt care! he just held me and let me blubber and keep telling me i was cool. ....?.... and the rest of the day was just a little awkward. but i swear we touched more and talked more. but there was this opressive little cloud sometimes and im shure he was thinking about it no matter how much he told me it didnt matter..... anyway cera ur advice was really nice, i kinda needed to hear something like that. oieh till next time?
always here~aj~