at risk of sounding emo...
wow ok so like the last entry was from awhile back i just hadnt posted it. anyway i hate fuckin people yaknow? i mean its like (and im guilty too) theres nothing good to talk about only shit. cant talk about stuff thats worthwile, no no, better to talk about other people. cauuse their actions are so fucking important to evey facet of my own fucking life.. i mean its like nothing vaguely ... (snaps fingers and frowns) even infinitesimaly important has any bearing to my peers. they bitch and clamor and flirt and fight for the single sake of just doing it. is that human nature? what is it supposed to be realy? a plea for attention? why do they need attention dont they know that its all only a terestrial illusion, like drawings in the dirt. beautiful and lasting if done properly more often irrecognizeable, only deep as the participants are halfheartedly willing to make it. washed or bown away/otherwize destroyed at the slightest wrong move.... exactly resembling human interaction.
draw = meet, interact, form mostly shallow associations - or deep bonds
washed away = ripped apart by intolerance and misunderstanding - or cemented by toil and time
gone or everlasting = memorys - or forever unchanging
im shure this doesnt make sense ask me about it later if you care, i know what i mean which was the important thing. at risk of sounding emo, no one understands. not even me or my feelings but themselves and their emotions. sometimes i feel as if im working not with children, but animals and not even complex ones... i've quit talking as much as i used too, it just doesnt seem to mean anything. freinds i thught would always stay are drifting and i feel almost insubstantial torn by an inate will to please and the grusome knowledge that pleasing everyone is impossible and not even worth the vast effort. i feel most tired. like a flame in a puddle, wishing to go on, burning with purpose but fundamentaly suffocated in a thousand ways... wow how fucking depressing, why do i bother do i fear forgeting this emotion of futility ? i dont know i will think on it.... peace
draw = meet, interact, form mostly shallow associations - or deep bonds
washed away = ripped apart by intolerance and misunderstanding - or cemented by toil and time
gone or everlasting = memorys - or forever unchanging
im shure this doesnt make sense ask me about it later if you care, i know what i mean which was the important thing. at risk of sounding emo, no one understands. not even me or my feelings but themselves and their emotions. sometimes i feel as if im working not with children, but animals and not even complex ones... i've quit talking as much as i used too, it just doesnt seem to mean anything. freinds i thught would always stay are drifting and i feel almost insubstantial torn by an inate will to please and the grusome knowledge that pleasing everyone is impossible and not even worth the vast effort. i feel most tired. like a flame in a puddle, wishing to go on, burning with purpose but fundamentaly suffocated in a thousand ways... wow how fucking depressing, why do i bother do i fear forgeting this emotion of futility ? i dont know i will think on it.... peace