Time for a real update
Well spring is finally here and the weather has been completely gorgeous. I'll be coming home again this weekend because my parents are making me. Not really, I just have a lot of work and they bribed me with good food and the promise of paying for gas.
So many things are going on musically. I'm performing at least once every week for something so much that performing makes me numb and I don't even appear nervous anymore. It's amazing, however I wish I enjoyed performing more instead of wishing I just make it through alive.
I look forward to the end. Maybe this semester has gone by fast, but I feel like I've been stuck in it forever. The concerto competition and even the England trip feel like forever ago. I really just want a real break. And money. I need $$$ like whoa.
So I applied for a new job. A real one. At least for the months of May and June when I'm home, I am applying to be a substitute teacher. Accornign to the website for West Seneca I can be one as long as I have at least 90 credits in an ed degree, which by the end, I'll have 115. So I think I can do this. I'm just waiting on a few letters of recommendation and I have to write a 150 word statement. In the meantime I'll still be working at the restaurant, at least in the evenings.
But those things aren't my real career right now. What worried me is the real thing. My plans have been turned upside down sort of. In MENC on Monday we had a few new teachers come in and talk with us about experiences and answer questions. And I found out that districs are more willing to hire a teacher with only a Bachelor's degree and a little experience over a teacher with a Master's degree and no experience. That's a scary realization to someone like me who was planning on going right to grad school after graduation.
I don't know if I want to teach right away, but the material they would teach in grad school would make sense after some expereince. So if I got some teaching in, I'll want to then stop, quit and go as a full time grad student because I refuse to go part time as a student and be a new teacher. I don't think I'll be able to handle it. Then there's the whole question of where I'll go. Home or near Philly? Am I ready to move even further away? How would I support myself? Who would I live with? If I stay home, live at home and teach in the Buffalo area then I have another problem. Mike. I can hardly live without him for 3 months and to put it quite frankly, I failed at living without for 3 months this past summer. How could I do a year? I can't. What if we're engaged by then? What if I'm trying to plan a wedding in that time, and he's still 7 hours away? What if I live with him in PA and we're trying to plan a wedding in a place that I barely have ties to except for family and friends? The wedding WILL be in Buffalo because it's my dream. But NOTHING wants to fall into place. The best thing would be if I could convince Mike to move to Buffalo, teach along with me, plan the wedding well ahead of time and then we both quit, he goes to U of Penn, I go to Westchester, get our degrees in 2 years, have the wedding the summer after and then plan on settling down somewhere.
Mike refuses. And he should, because I'm not his wife (yet he slipped and called me that the other day lol) and I shouldn't be making any of his decisions- yet. He has good reasons, and besides, where would he live in Buffalo? Not in my house! There's no room. And I don't want to move out with him when I can stay at home for free. He also has a better chance for scholarships if he goes right away. He's faced with the same problem I am, but we can't find a compatable way to work it out.
I really don't know what to do.
So many things are going on musically. I'm performing at least once every week for something so much that performing makes me numb and I don't even appear nervous anymore. It's amazing, however I wish I enjoyed performing more instead of wishing I just make it through alive.
I look forward to the end. Maybe this semester has gone by fast, but I feel like I've been stuck in it forever. The concerto competition and even the England trip feel like forever ago. I really just want a real break. And money. I need $$$ like whoa.
So I applied for a new job. A real one. At least for the months of May and June when I'm home, I am applying to be a substitute teacher. Accornign to the website for West Seneca I can be one as long as I have at least 90 credits in an ed degree, which by the end, I'll have 115. So I think I can do this. I'm just waiting on a few letters of recommendation and I have to write a 150 word statement. In the meantime I'll still be working at the restaurant, at least in the evenings.
But those things aren't my real career right now. What worried me is the real thing. My plans have been turned upside down sort of. In MENC on Monday we had a few new teachers come in and talk with us about experiences and answer questions. And I found out that districs are more willing to hire a teacher with only a Bachelor's degree and a little experience over a teacher with a Master's degree and no experience. That's a scary realization to someone like me who was planning on going right to grad school after graduation.
I don't know if I want to teach right away, but the material they would teach in grad school would make sense after some expereince. So if I got some teaching in, I'll want to then stop, quit and go as a full time grad student because I refuse to go part time as a student and be a new teacher. I don't think I'll be able to handle it. Then there's the whole question of where I'll go. Home or near Philly? Am I ready to move even further away? How would I support myself? Who would I live with? If I stay home, live at home and teach in the Buffalo area then I have another problem. Mike. I can hardly live without him for 3 months and to put it quite frankly, I failed at living without for 3 months this past summer. How could I do a year? I can't. What if we're engaged by then? What if I'm trying to plan a wedding in that time, and he's still 7 hours away? What if I live with him in PA and we're trying to plan a wedding in a place that I barely have ties to except for family and friends? The wedding WILL be in Buffalo because it's my dream. But NOTHING wants to fall into place. The best thing would be if I could convince Mike to move to Buffalo, teach along with me, plan the wedding well ahead of time and then we both quit, he goes to U of Penn, I go to Westchester, get our degrees in 2 years, have the wedding the summer after and then plan on settling down somewhere.
Mike refuses. And he should, because I'm not his wife (yet he slipped and called me that the other day lol) and I shouldn't be making any of his decisions- yet. He has good reasons, and besides, where would he live in Buffalo? Not in my house! There's no room. And I don't want to move out with him when I can stay at home for free. He also has a better chance for scholarships if he goes right away. He's faced with the same problem I am, but we can't find a compatable way to work it out.
I really don't know what to do.