(no subject)

[rayvinkalis]

My feelings are telling me that some things are being covered up and toned down as to not hurt my feelings. Hey, Peaches. . . if you want to hide something tell your little friend not to change her myspace name to match yours. Yeah. . . Corpse talking to Corpse Bride. . . Hmmm, nothing is going on there. Just a nice fun little joke. I hate not being part of the joke, being left out of the joke. I still fucking live with you. If you are so damn scared of hurting me or pushing me away completely. . . lying is the wrong way of keeping me your friend. Best friend. . . :: laughs :: Best friends trust each other. Stop testing the waters and just come out with it. It's completely selfish to try to keep me your friend when you want to date someone else. . . 9 years is a little too long for me to just up and forget all the good times and how intimate we use to be. Gods, I feel like I don't even know you anymore. I know how absolutely stupid it is, but I just want to cause myself pain just to find some relief from the pent up emotions and pain that is sitting deep in my soul. I think it would be best to have a long distance friendship, that way you don;t have to hide who you are. You don;t have to hide any relations you want to have with people. All I want is for you to be happy and since I can not offer that possibility to you, I have to leave. I have to get out of this. Perhaps after you have sowed your oats, had your fun, meet new people. . . perhaps then if our friendship lasts, and only if you wish it, we could start anew. . . but right now, I'm not liking you very much. It hurts so badly to say that, I sit here crying as I type it. . . but I'm not liking you very much at all. I feel blown over, ignored, pushed aside and all the while you call me your best friend. You hug me, you comfort me when I need attention. . . how many times do you do that with Corpse bride? How many times have you took her into your arms? Perhaps at the lake? At work, your last day of work, saying your seeing a friend and it's actually her. . . I can't take it anymore. I hate who I am becoming. It's not your fault, but it's not fully my fault either. I need to find my center once more and you can not be apart of that. You can not be around me as I find myself cause you kill me inside.

I love you, but you must be set free from me. Don't hate me for what I will have to do. Don;t hate me for how I think or what I think. You see life so much different then myself and those perspectives are too contrast. I hope your life is filled with the happiness you are always seeking. I hope I can get my life back on track.