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I’m pretty sure that I’m heading full throttle into a nervous breakdown. I’m tired… really tired, and taking on responsibility after responsibility has me stretched so very thin. I am worn down and just plain tired of everything. Tonight I told John that the puppy had to go, as well as the cat and all three birds. And I cried and I cried and I cried. I just can’t do it all, work full time, keep this house and all it’s inhabitants happy and be a full time mom. The house is too full and too loud.
I don’t know how to fix it.
It could be a wavering bipolar thing and tomorrow I could be fine and back to my heroine-self, but I don’t know. It feels real enough and I am tired enough.
Livvie, the puppy, is still as sweet as ever, but she *does* have issues. These are things her former owner should have been working on, instead of waiting for them to get out of hand and then giving up on her It’s not a breed thing, any dog can have the problems she has. I won’t see her go back to an owner who’s given up on her while she’s so young, so I’ve cursed myself with an unwanted, food-aggressive puppy. She’s not aggressive towards people, I can take treats right out of her mouth, it’s with other animals (though she’s yet to even chase the cat). She got into about 3 scuffles with Maddie today and it got to the point where Maddie didn’t want to even play with her anymore. It took coaxing to get them to play again. Later in the evening She layed down with Maddie and rested her head on Maddie’s back, and drifted off to sleep. Maddie looked scared and it took a minute or two for her to relax while Livvie rested with her.
Maddie knows only of love, so I think these acts of aggression really scare her.
While Maddie and Livvie play exactly alike and are in perfect blissful harmony while wrestling, I still feel it’s unfair to Maddie (and Coba) to deal with a pup who’s unruly about food items. It’s really put me in a confusing situation because it is so nice to see Maddie actually being able to play with another dog. She has never had any other dog actually willing to play with her.
I understand this is an adjustment period and that this puppy never had to “share” anything before, so I just don’t know how to handle it and if I had more time and less needy beings here, I know I could, but I’ve reached my limit about 2 kids ago. The inn is just too full and there is no barn.
I gave them all treats at the same time and when Livvie didn’t snarl she was praised highly. It is my understanding that positive reinforcement works, but I feel also that with the herd of other things to care for I just don’t have the time to spend praising her. I want her to get what she deserves though, not to be sent back to someone who was quick to pass her off. I’ll keep her as long as I need to, but this, as sad as it makes us all, is going to be a fostering situation.
Then as far as work is concerned I had to call the post office tonight to make sure one of our customers dropped a postage check off, then at 7:45pm I had to take the mailing that was in the back of my car to the post office and back which is a 30 mile drive and of course I had to go after work hours because the incompetent fool of a customer couldn’t get the money there on time.
So I left during the worst thunderstorm I had ever driven in.
I watched a tree fall next to me and at one point couldn’t see anything, not even the road.. As it cleared it was plain to see the massive damage along Allegheny River Blvd, as multiple tree limbs hung from downed power lines and branches and trees blocked the road. Yea, I drove through that bullshit for work…
Stupid.
I’m going to bed now.
Words of encouragement?
Suggestions?
~love to all~