(no subject)
ah, yes. living here has oficially reverted me to the mental state i was in a year ago. needing the herbs. needing the escapism once again.
i feel this anxiety all over my body and i makes my legs so heavy and jello-like that all i want to do it sit down. and explode. i've got all of this stuff in my way of being happy but i am too full to move it. all i ever wanted was freedom without censorship. i was well on my way but now i am on the shit list for a reason i can't understand. i am alledged to be verbally abusive, but i havea really hard time imagining that. it seems like all i ever take is verbal abuse and i take it with a smile on my face. say one thing and i'm out for the count.
anyway, my spots are coming back from the stress. I can't function unless everything is clean. nothing is ever clean and it will never be clean.
haha! even back to lushing it up with my mom at night just to pass the time. if i take my little brother for a walk, she buys me a bottle of wine. guess that's one luxury i never had at my dad's house.
i am going back soon. hopefully next week. maybe the week after that. i am just so sick of people holding grudges about things that don't even matter. and the truth is... nothing matters. no grudges for me. i'll be happy again soon.
i feel this anxiety all over my body and i makes my legs so heavy and jello-like that all i want to do it sit down. and explode. i've got all of this stuff in my way of being happy but i am too full to move it. all i ever wanted was freedom without censorship. i was well on my way but now i am on the shit list for a reason i can't understand. i am alledged to be verbally abusive, but i havea really hard time imagining that. it seems like all i ever take is verbal abuse and i take it with a smile on my face. say one thing and i'm out for the count.
anyway, my spots are coming back from the stress. I can't function unless everything is clean. nothing is ever clean and it will never be clean.
haha! even back to lushing it up with my mom at night just to pass the time. if i take my little brother for a walk, she buys me a bottle of wine. guess that's one luxury i never had at my dad's house.
i am going back soon. hopefully next week. maybe the week after that. i am just so sick of people holding grudges about things that don't even matter. and the truth is... nothing matters. no grudges for me. i'll be happy again soon.