flufferpants.
I don't feel life changing as these events take place as the years pass. I realize more that you are just growing closer to death the older you get. How bitterly evil that thought is. I don't feel as jaded as that sounds. I want to do more than just take up room on this planet full of useless people. Everyday seems like a routine; just barely living.
Over break I intend to do lots of good for myself. More than just waste time. There are new books to be read, alterations to random clothing (I'm going to figure out how to properly sew in the process of doing this), and to be around people that matter the most.
I need to write down all the thoughts in my head, for the sake of feeling more permanent. I am done with over thinking other people's judgments. Fuck you.
This week has been like this.
Holding my breath and concentrating too hard on everything.
I took a nap after I finished my drawing class for the semester. I had a dream that Marz's friends were in our apartment and in my room. On my walls I was working on abstract face portraits and one of her friends had scratched out the eyes. I woke up pissed off and ready to knuckle punch her, then remembered it didn't really happen.
It's interesting that she bothers me when I'm sleeping too.
I found the little smoking accessory Matt gave to me over the summer. There was pot left in it and it worked nicely, even months later.
It makes me think of going to Sam's house for the first time and smoking a hitter that Matt was packing so full that it cracked, and with that Enimem kid that only talked to me after Matt died and would try to rap while wearing five layers of shorts.
That was also the first time I met Allen and I pondered why he was so pale, but not albino.
February 4 will be here sooner than I can handle.
recent good things:
-The man who plays Gollum in Lord of the Rings was on Conan last night.
-apple pipe.
-no more learning math after tomorrow afternoon. ever.
Over break I intend to do lots of good for myself. More than just waste time. There are new books to be read, alterations to random clothing (I'm going to figure out how to properly sew in the process of doing this), and to be around people that matter the most.
I need to write down all the thoughts in my head, for the sake of feeling more permanent. I am done with over thinking other people's judgments. Fuck you.
This week has been like this.
Holding my breath and concentrating too hard on everything.
I took a nap after I finished my drawing class for the semester. I had a dream that Marz's friends were in our apartment and in my room. On my walls I was working on abstract face portraits and one of her friends had scratched out the eyes. I woke up pissed off and ready to knuckle punch her, then remembered it didn't really happen.
It's interesting that she bothers me when I'm sleeping too.
I found the little smoking accessory Matt gave to me over the summer. There was pot left in it and it worked nicely, even months later.
It makes me think of going to Sam's house for the first time and smoking a hitter that Matt was packing so full that it cracked, and with that Enimem kid that only talked to me after Matt died and would try to rap while wearing five layers of shorts.
That was also the first time I met Allen and I pondered why he was so pale, but not albino.
February 4 will be here sooner than I can handle.
recent good things:
-The man who plays Gollum in Lord of the Rings was on Conan last night.
-apple pipe.
-no more learning math after tomorrow afternoon. ever.