Bisexuality Rant

[raynala]

As a bisexual girl, I like to think I’ve got the best of both worlds. I am very happy with my philosophy that people love people, regardless of gender. The way I see it, some people have a “type.” You know, brown hair, nice teeth, sense of humor, love of video games… in my totally unscientific and unsupported-by-any-evidence-at-all kind-of world, a

Comments

[schizo_niko]

Yes. Very much yes. Word.

I've always felt like people wrote off bisexuals because they aren't "extreme" enough or something, like because we're in the middle we never had to go through discovering our sexuality or coming to terms with it. Like you, I was attracted to both genders from an early age and went on living my life like that not knowing what bisexuality or homosexuality or even heterosexuality were; no one ever talked about them. When I moved at the age of fourteen, I found a girl that knew she was bi, and she liked me, and I fell for her, and then I finally understood what I was.

And so it drives me crazy when people say that it's a "choice"; sure, you can choose to pretend, or choose to be loud and proud, or choose to ignore your instincts, but you don't wake up one day and say "I think I'll be bi today because it sounds like fun." I'm of the opinion that it is pretty fun, haha, but I didn't "decide" to be that way. I just always was.

Having lots of gay and bi and straight friends alike, and being bi myself, has given me the same view on the world as you, that people love people and that's totally cool. I love love. I think we need more of it. I have the freedom to fall for only personality or only chemistry if I choose, rather than falling for gender. And that's awesome.

So, again, word!

[juushika]

And so it drives me crazy when people say that it's a "choice"; sure, you can choose to pretend, or choose to be loud and proud, or choose to ignore your instincts, but you don't wake up one day and say "I think I'll be bi today because it sounds like fun." I'm of the opinion that it is pretty fun, haha, but I didn't "decide" to be that way. I just always was.

I chose to be bisexual. I chose because I'm a woman who's approximately 70%/30% attracted to men/women and I'm in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. To an outsider, I look perfectly heteronormative, just another straight girl dating a straight guy. Instead, I chose to be bisexual—so maybe my initial attraction to female-bodied individuals is hardwired, but almost any expression of that attraction is a conscious, intentional action and revealing my sexual orientation to others is likewise an intentional choice.

I think the "it's not a choice" argument isn't necessarily productive. The fact that someone is "born that way" or otherwise didn't "decide to be that way" doesn't justify anything—a pedophile or a sociopath is still condemnable, even if they have every psychological or physical motivation. Indeed, homosexuality and bisexuality and otherwise non-heteronormative identities don't need justification—who cares if they're innate, if they're created, if they're natural or if they're a choice. They are harmless, they have no victims, they are free and healthy expressions of personality.

A lot of people use "I didn't chose" to justify their non-normative sexualities, so this isn't really directed at your statement—it just prompted a mini-rant of my own. But I wish that we could move away from attempts to justify those sexualities as natural or innate, as if choosing them is a bad thing. It's always perfectly valid to have these sorts of non-normative attractions or relationships. No justification is necessary, and trying to justify them opens the door to opposing arguments.