Like a firestorm!
I thought that updating my dating site profile would make me feel better about myself here on my 29th birthday, but as I made a list of reasons people should date me, all that kept happening was negative aspects of my personality unfolding into the text box. I tend to obsession, which can be nice for random quizzical trivia, but means i drone on endlessly about very few particular subjects. I am self-confident but then I get cocky about things I know I am good at, and always think I'm right no matter what. I never give up on problems, but it means i can't drop an issue until it's been resolved. I came to the conclusion that I am not a well-balanced human being, and not nearly ready for a relationship by any means.
So going back and re-reading the last year of my blog entries shows that I am relentlessly, implacably optimistic and it never serves me well. It also helped me realize that I am nowhere near ready for a relationship yet, no matter how in want of one I am. Of course, that could be pessimism trying to save me from heartache again when really letting someone get close to me again would actually heal me a little more. So, I deleted my gk2gk.com profile and may make a new one when I'm ready to be mature and positive enough about myself to actually try and sell myself to others. I don't even know what I want in a girl, all I know is that there are things I don't want.
Of course, I "know" that that website is not going to get me anywhere and to actually meet people I want to spend time with and have similar interests with I need to get out of the house, go take some more classes, maybe actually get a bachelor's degree or find something that interests me enough to pursue something larger.
So do I have a list of goals for being 29? AW HELL NO, I am a lazy sum-bitch and I'm gonna STAY THAT WAY. FUCK finding a girlfriend. Fuck getting a new car. FUCK going back to school, there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna torture myself like that. I may get a new job, because I like money, but unless it's what I want, I ain't holding my breath. I'm not gonna settle for less than what I had before. (until I absolutely have to, haha).
Well, it's near 3am, on my 29th birthday, and I was so depressed and hard-up that all I could think of to do was revise a dating profile for geeks, and then get so fed up with my negative attitudes towards myself that I deleted it. The year can only get better, eh? (I think I may actually be certifiably insane at this point in the morning. I'll probably wake up and see this and wonder "when the hell did I write this?")
So going back and re-reading the last year of my blog entries shows that I am relentlessly, implacably optimistic and it never serves me well. It also helped me realize that I am nowhere near ready for a relationship yet, no matter how in want of one I am. Of course, that could be pessimism trying to save me from heartache again when really letting someone get close to me again would actually heal me a little more. So, I deleted my gk2gk.com profile and may make a new one when I'm ready to be mature and positive enough about myself to actually try and sell myself to others. I don't even know what I want in a girl, all I know is that there are things I don't want.
Of course, I "know" that that website is not going to get me anywhere and to actually meet people I want to spend time with and have similar interests with I need to get out of the house, go take some more classes, maybe actually get a bachelor's degree or find something that interests me enough to pursue something larger.
So do I have a list of goals for being 29? AW HELL NO, I am a lazy sum-bitch and I'm gonna STAY THAT WAY. FUCK finding a girlfriend. Fuck getting a new car. FUCK going back to school, there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna torture myself like that. I may get a new job, because I like money, but unless it's what I want, I ain't holding my breath. I'm not gonna settle for less than what I had before. (until I absolutely have to, haha).
Well, it's near 3am, on my 29th birthday, and I was so depressed and hard-up that all I could think of to do was revise a dating profile for geeks, and then get so fed up with my negative attitudes towards myself that I deleted it. The year can only get better, eh? (I think I may actually be certifiably insane at this point in the morning. I'll probably wake up and see this and wonder "when the hell did I write this?")