iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
taking turns getting pissed off at things
annoyed by things
everything
in and out of the room
all afternoon
every afternoon
toting this
grabbing that
trying not to sigh out loud
tolerating
madness
personality traits
habits
saying that you understand all the time
but how does that help
how does that fix anything at all
anyone
sometimes there are no more funny things to say and being appropriate is too much effort and compassion shouldn't be free all the time you think
and then someone says well what about christmas spirit and then you want to rip out all of your hair and disappear until april maybe
or perhaps you'll wait it out
the same as always
because you can't escape calendars
and seasons
and people who depend on you
because sometimes you depend on them
and then when it is your turn for help you feel like an asshole asking for it and they have every right to flip you off
we don't have the patience for feeling like an asshole
we don't even have time for feelings
buying stuff for others because it's what you really want
not being an activist
not trying anymore
not caring
saying this is my life
there is the supermarket
garbage day is thursday
some people knit
some people dance
and some drink
some have babies
there really isn't a point to any of this
there are so many things to be mad about and so many things to brag about
potentially
why aren't you wearing any clothes in your photographs
why do you expose yourself
how do you feel about that
don't you have any self-respect
do you even care
where are you going with this
you're an embarassment
for shame
sinner
pig
what a
why not share your world with others why not share things why not capture moments in time and say looksee here i am there we are big deal i don't care i'm bored you're bored
analyzing is what we do when there is nothing else to do when we know the subject enough because we hear about it enough and after all that nonsense all that is left is scandal and gossip and obsession
we want to care and we don't want to
we want to see and forget
we want to forget forever but we can't because we know it's there
see you at AA.